I have traveled all over the state these past few weeks as work and life continue to be busy.  It is summer or at least it is supposed to be summer and with that I hear a lot of friends and family talk about going on vacations which makes sense since kids are out of school for a few months.  This word, vacation, is interesting in the fact that it can mean so many different things.  I think to a lot of people a vacation is getting away from reality and trying to be present whether it is with family or by themselves.  This year and my crazy journey has opened my eyes and given me perspective on what truly matters and my idea of a vacation has drastically changed.

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I remember being a kid in Bottineau, North Dakota and what it meant for our family to have that “Family Vacation.”  Our family vacations were usually in the state of North Dakota or right over the border in Canada.  We didn’t need much or expect much when it came to getting away but we did enjoy each other’s company and the little moments.  Of course, I had many friends that were able to go on a plane to get away but for us that only happened once while still in middle school.  The plane was an unknown territory for our family but once we entered the smiles on all our faces was infectious.  I will never forget that family trip as it was the first time I saw the ocean and felt the sand between my toes.  My daughter already understands that Disney World might not be in our future and it is hard to watch the disappointment wash across her face.  I would be lying to myself and everyone else if I said I wasn’t somewhat jealous as a beautiful scenic island with the ocean so close I can touch it sounds pretty amazing right about now.  However, I think it is wonderful that those individuals get to experience amazing places with their families and make memories that will last forever.  It isn’t about the place, it is about the people you are with!

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I recently went with my family on a two day trip to the Valleyfair and Albertville, MN to get out of town and for my little girl have some fun before the summer was over.  It was perfect as some of our family was able to join us and take in the festivities.  Little things have become big things for me with a new perspective as I believe life is what we make it and how we handle the obstacles.  I want to create fun for my little and also partake in it as age is just a number.  Yes, I went on all the rides and put a swimsuit on during our vacation as I won’t just sit and watch anymore.  Every moment counts and it is those moments that I am at peace.  I have learned to dance in the kitchen and enjoy watching Barbie movies.  You really don’t even need to leave your own home to feel the joy of a vacation.  Why not swing at the park instead of being on your phone.  Why not eat desert before supper and have water balloon fights.  Why not play Rock Band until 4:00 a.m.

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I have felt some urgency since my cancer diagnosis as life is so precious.  I was told recently “Why do you need to do everything right now, it is not like you are going to die?” That is the thing, you never know when our time on this earth is complete so I plan on taking advantage of every second of everyday.  This has always been my struggle as life gets busy and we have adult duties that we need to take care of but drop the dust rag and mop.  My hope for all of you that are reading this blog is that you find joy and take the time to be silly.  This is...My Over The Rainbow….

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I have been listening to Linkin Park this past week as the passing of Chester Bennington has really  put me in a funk.  I have been seeing and reading some of the articles that social media trolls have put out there and the tears just flow from my eyes.  No one can understand what someone is going through when their mind is telling them things we can’t even imagine.

I’m tired of being what you want me to be
Feeling so faithless, lost under the surface
I don’t know what you’re expecting of me
Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes
Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow
Every step that I take is another mistake to you

Crawling in my skin
These wounds they will not heal
Fear is how I fall
Confusing what is real

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I want to heal,
I want to feel,
What I thought was never real
I want to let go of the pain I felt so long (Erase all the pain ’til it’s gone)
I want to heal,
I want to feel,
Like I’m close to something real
I want to find something I’ve wanted all along
Somewhere I belong

‘Cause I’m looking at you through the glass
Don’t know how much time has passed
All I know is that it feels like forever
When no one ever tells you that forever feels like home
Sitting all alone inside your head

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*National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255 or text HELLO to 741741 or message at facebook.com/CrisisTextLine.

*American Foundation for Suicide Prevention: https://afsp.org/

*Chester Bennington tribute page with helpful information: http://chester.linkinpark.com/