Coffee Please…

When I used to hear the word coffee as a young child I always thought of it as being disgusting, however the aroma that crept into my bedroom in the morning as my mom was making a cup smelled delicious.  When we used to visit and spend the night at my grandma Char’s farm I clearly remember the mornings where coffee was being poured, the paper was being read with soft, country music playing in the background, but what I remember most is the conversation of those sitting around her dining room table.   I recently have come to appreciate coffee as to me it isn’t just a beverage but a way to get together with the people I cherish. 20180919_174447


I have always enjoyed genuine and deep conversations as I want to know more about a person than just talking about how the weather is outside.   My mom needed a break during the week when I was younger, even though my sister and I were the most outstanding children, so she would go out with her friends for coffee on Wednesday nights while we were at religion class as that was her way to stay connected to her friends.   I had the privilege of working with college students and of course once they moved on from college I was honored to be able to catch up over a cup of coffee.  I had the most amazing students who have become family and I believe developing that relationship and having a conversation is truly the key as I have gotten to experience their marriages, breakups, having children, and so much more.  I am not perfect and I know we all live busy schedules but finding the time for one another is so important.20180915_095735


In the past few years, this cup of coffee has become my solace.  I started off my coffee journey with the yummy coffee drinks as I couldn’t handle plain, black coffee but when I had Thyroid Cancer it all had to change as my diet was strict.  The hospital coffee shop became my regular stop as they started to know my name and always asked if I wanted a punch card which I replied no because hopefully I wouldn’t be back very often.  The ladies at the hospital were always so welcoming and inviting that I still make a pit stop there when I am there for my check-ups or in the area as I enjoy their warm smiles and conversation.  It was so amazing to me that they always had a smile on their face and how it made me feel like I was the most special individual that walked in to the shop.  There is something about coffee shops that have always grabbed my attention as it provides this calming atmosphere and the shops let you unwind by a fireplace or in comfy couches. 20180916_105232


It is hard to take the time for another individual as our lives are a whirlwind, however I challenge you to set a coffee date with your best friend or a friend you haven’t seen in a while.  Why not take your child on a coffee date to listen to their stories and imagination?  What about your family members who may just need a shoulder to lean on?  If coffee isn’t for you maybe supper or lunch are options to enjoy the company of someone. When you are at coffee next time with someone maybe we talk about what their fears are or what their goals are in life? We just don’t know what is in store for us so take time to be with your loved ones.  Thank you to those that have taken the time to go out for coffee with me as I cherish every moment and every conversation. There is nothing like waking up on a cool fall day with a cup of steaming, hot coffee. Cheers!

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I have been thinking about people a lot and the interactions I have with them as sometimes it is an adventure.  The music I have below is more country as that is what I have been playing in my vehicle as it brings me back to when I was young and life was more simple.

Most People are Good: Luke Bryan (Click Here)
I believe most people are good
And most Mama’s oughta qualify for sainthood
I believe most Friday nights look better under neon or stadium lights
I believe you love who you love
Ain’t nothing you should ever be ashamed of
I believe this world ain’t half as bad as it looks
I believe most people are good

I believe that days go slow and years go fast
And every breath’s a gift, the first one to the last


Humble and Kind: Tim McGraw (Click Here)
Don’t take for granted the love this life gives you
When you get where you’re going don’t forget turn back around
And help the next one in line
Always stay humble and kind


Live Like You Were Dying: Tim McGraw (Click Here)
“I went sky divin’,
I went rocky mountain climbin’,
I went 2.7 seconds on a bull named Fumanchu.
And I loved deeper,
And I spoke sweeter,
And I gave forgiveness I’d been denying.”


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My Super Hero!:)

Until Next Time………………………….. 

My Mental Health Day

Today is one of those days where I just can’t. I have been sitting here trying to figure out why. I believe it is just a long list of items that have piled up along with the ugly doctor appointment this morning. The feeling of being lost started creeping in and I tried to push it away by being busy but it came back and slapped me in the face. I remember these feelings all too well as I am not motivated for even little things like putting all my wet jeans in the dryer. The anxiety has taken over and I can’t breathe. I wear glasses because I can’t sleep and waterproof mascara so my makeup doesn’t run down my cheeks. I want to crawl inside my bed and not talk to the outside world. I am not feeling well as the world has swallowed me whole. I recognize that I needed this day to try and put some pieces back together.

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Bought gifts for others at the hospital gift shop.

 


Do you ever take a day for you? Do you just need a day for recharging your energy? Do you feel bad for needing one? Mental health is an interesting topic as it is becoming more talked about but I feel is still a taboo subject. Should businesses have mental health days built in to their benefits? I believe employers should as employees barely leave when they are sick via physical or mental as afraid of getting behind on work or not having enough PTO built up. Does society make this okay for us to bring this to light?
This produces a lot of issues of presenteeism and absenteeism in workplaces which in results in reduce productivity. I struggle with taking time off as I have seen firsthand how fast PTO hours can go during cancer and then the fear lingers that I need to make sure I have enough in case something happens. I also worry about putting work on my co-worker’s shoulders as I don’t want them to have to do more because I am out. Do our friends and family support this idea of a mental health day? If you truly love someone then this should be an easy answer as we need to be there for each other. The world is a cruel place and I saw that in the news and on social media a lot this past week. How can we put people down when they are really struggling with an obvious mental health issue? Do we look in the mirror? We all make mistakes and there should be no judgement.  We need to start putting ourselves first.

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Comfort food for lunch…


This is going to look different on everyone as this is not a one size fits all type of day. Does this day involve ones you love or being by yourself? Do you sleep or watch television all day? How about reading a book or a magazine that has been sitting in your drawer? Does having pets around you help you get through tough moments? Do you shut your phone off or ignore Social Media? Maybe it is a hot shower, your favorite music, or meditation that helps.  You can see from the pictures throughout the post of what my day consisted of. I know by even having this one day that tomorrow I may not be 100% but it is a start to try to put the pieces together. I want to be there for my family and to be present but I can’t do that if I’m struggling. I don’t choose to be this way and I am trying hard to get out of this funk. I challenge you to do something nice for yourself and for someone else as we all have these days.


Music is what moves me and truly changes my perspective when I’m down. I chose a few songs that I listen to a lot and you may have already heard in a previous post.


I Want to Live: Skillet (Click Here)
I want to live my life
The choice is mine, I’ve made up my mind
Now, I’m free to start again
The way I want to live (to live) and breathe (and breathe)
The way I want that’s right for me
I may not know nothing else
But I know this, I want to live


Shed Some Light: Shinedown (Click Here)
I’m falling apart again
And I can’t find a way to make amends
And I’m looking in both directions
But it’s make believe, it’s all pretend

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Be Good To Each Other…..Until Next Time……..

GIVING BACK

Why am I here?  My brain has always led me to search for my purpose in life which can get very interesting at times.  When you grow up you are told you can do anything and to find something you love doing right?  We are also directed that going to college for four or more years to get a degree will help you find a job of your dreams.  In society we are told that getting this degree and making money will lead us in the right direction.  I have struggled with all of this since the day I walked off the graduation ceremony stage with my Master’s degree at North Dakota State University.  I have had two good, full-time jobs since college in the health and wellness fields and both I really didn’t need a Master’s degree for and believe me the salary doesn’t reflect in my crazy amount student loan debt.  Why am I still searching if this was what I was passionate about?

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My Purpose is……………………….

“Hurry up before you go and get old
Hurry up before your blood runs cold
None of us were ever meant to stay
We’re all gonna find out one day”

I was passionate about making a difference and leaving a Legacy.  I worked with some amazing college students at my first big girl job who showed me what passion was about.  I also could start giving back to the community by volunteering at various places with my college student workers and bringing in blood drives to our facility.  My parents engrained in me when I was small that no matter what we had someone else had less and that giving back is just what we should do.  This didn’t just mean giving money as most of the time we didn’t have any but it meant lending a hand.   I wanted the college students who worked for me to not just get an amazing job but to give something back to their community once they graduated.  I continued to give back in different ways once I started working at big girl job number two which gave me more insight in to the effect a person can really make. Did I find my passion and purpose?20180525_235723

“You see life’s too short to run it like a race
So it’s never gonna matter if you win first place
Cause we’re all the same”

I truly believe I was put on this earth to help others which is sometimes hard as I tend to spread myself thin but I feel it is worth every moment.   How do we give back?   I wish I had a million dollars laying around so I could give money to my favorite charities but this isn’t my reality.  I do however, have a body that moves and two hands that can help whether it is handing out food to young children or organizing a 5k for charity.  There are days when I don’t have time to volunteer so a Random Act of Kindness is provided to someone I know or to a stranger.  If you have ever done a Random Act of Kindness then you know the radiant smile I have seen and the tears that have flowed from others.

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This small gesture..a “Thank You” note changed my day!

“Hurry up before the bottle kicks in
Before the poison and the pain sets in
If you take it down a notch and you let me explain
That on this earth we are all the same
And all I can say is”

We can make a difference by the smallest of efforts and if everyone pitched in the impact it could leave in our communities is endless.  Why do we give back?  I have seen firsthand what an organization such as the United Way of Cass-Clay (Click Here) can do for young children, the elderly, the homeless and so much more.  I am in awe and lucky to work with this organization on different levels as even just typing about it gives me goose-bumps and tears.  I think with some of the recent events in my own life that you just never know if you could be the one who needs these types of services.  I do not give back to be recognized as giving back fills my soul with joy and that is all I need.  It has also, I feel, saved me in certain ways as giving back can have a great impact on your mental health.  I recently saw a presenter by the name of Dr. Corey Martin (Bounce Back Project-Click Here) who talked about gratitude (Please Watch) and the simple ways we could give could leave a lasting impact (Please Watch) as we know those around us could be struggling.

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It starts with our own children!

“Stop waiting on your fifteen minutes of fame
Cause you’re not special
I’m not trying to rain on your parade
But you’re not special
I’m not trying to bring you down
I’m not trying to sound so ineffectual
Cause you’re not special”

I am not sure I will ever have all the answers or find my exact purpose in this crazy life I live but if I can help someone it definitely makes my day and their day better.  I challenge you to pay it forward today.  I challenge you to put yourself in someone else’s shoes who may be one non-payment away from losing their house.  I challenge you to find a new organization that needs your help.  I challenge to keep finding your purpose as we truly only have today. I will be updating the pages on the blog with my favorite organizations I volunteer for and donate to and more so stay tuned…
“We can all do something, it is that simple!”


Shinedown released a new album called “Attention, Attention” and I think you all can guess what I have been listening to since the beginning of May.  I recently attended my 9th Shinedown concert and some of their new songs hit close to home. Take a listen below and you won’t be disappointed.

Special (Click Here)
The Lyrics are above throughout the blog!


Brilliant (Click Here)

Count it down from 10 to 1
Faster than a hurricane
Callin’ out to everyone, are you mad or insane
Quicker when you’re curious
And better once you realize
Finding someone you can trust, gets results, check your pulse

Let me clear my throat, let me catch my breath
Let my heart bleed out til there’s nothing left
It’s my day to be brilliant
It’s my day to be brilliant

 

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Until next time…….

Lasting Effects

The road I have been traveling on for the past year has a few potholes that keep changing shape but do not go away. I feel like this stranger living in someone’s else’s body and I don’t recognize it. I kept telling myself that I needed to give myself more time
to feel human again but here we are. I had a friend ask me “You really don’t like talking about yourself huh?” and that was hard to process as most days I am not sure about anything and then there is those who have it worse than I do so I feel I don’t have
that right to talk about my own pain. I wanted to write this post, not for sympathy, but for those that may have gone through thyroid cancer or something else major and for them to not feel alone in the fight.

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I was driving last week one day after work when a wave anxiety swept over me for no reason at all, I could barely breathe. I used to have anxiety but mostly it was due to certain situations such as, talking in front of a large crowd or in certain social settings but my new normal has these occurrences for no reason at all. It is the craziest situation when everything in one moment is fine and the next I feel like the wind is being knocked out of my body. I can’t predict when these moments will happen and what I really want to do is just run away when they do. It is just a part of me now and I have been on this roller coaster of emotions. I know there is drugs for this as that is what I hear a lot but it isn’t for me and never will be. I have been down the road of drugs in my system and having to deal without a thyroid and taking thyroid medication daily is enough and all I can handle right now. I hope for that someday when there is more natural remedies for anxiety.  I found other ways to try and calm myself with the “5-4- 3-2- 1” technique (Click Here) to ease my mind along with meditation (Sattva App – Click Here). The one thing that seems to get me through though is listening to loud music and singing along, however, I really can’t do that in most cases.

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Did I take my pill to survive today? This is my first thought of the day and most of the time I don’t remember if I did or not? It is so crazy that this one little pill is my survival tool for the rest of my life. My brain doesn’t function the same as it used to as it
tends to be in a fog most days and I can’t remember to do the little things which I used to be proud of. I think it just slapped me across my face as I forgot to call my beautiful grandma on her birthday. This is not me. This is not how I operate and it is beyond frustrating. Organizing and planning events is one of the one things I was somewhat good at and enjoyed but it is becoming harder as even keeping lists can’t seem to keep me on track. It is about rewiring my brain to think differently and I know I will get there. This spell I feel like I am under has also zapped my motivation for almost everything and my family can see a difference when it comes to daily situations. I used to get up in the mornings to work out and that doesn’t happen. I used to get home at night and do fifty different things like play with my little girl and that usually doesn’t happen. If I must get up and get ready for the day it feels like a chore. One thing just leads to another. I have this reoccurring dream that I am on this Ferris Wheel that can’t stop and the only thing to do is jump. I have found a friend and its name is COFFEE which really doesn’t help the anxiety but it does keep me awake at work. It is about finding what works for you and we are all going to be different.  The one thing I can’t seem to figure out is the mood swings as I go from crying one minute to being literally pissed off the next.  Of course, those that live in the same house get to reap those benefits which makes me feel like an amazing mom and wife. I wish I could pinpoint the triggers but for now bullet proof vests need to be worn in case I explode.

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The dosage on thyroid medication is everything and can be a ticking time bomb if it isn’t perfect. I am a very active individual and exercise is my escape when I have my dark days. The lack of motivation doesn’t help this situation but then let’s add on some pounds to make me feel even better about not having a thyroid (insert sarcasm here). I work in the wellness field and love helping people live the best versions of themselves but if I am not able to do that myself is it even fair to them? Maybe I need to work out more or eat healthier as soon I will be a rabbit eating only lettuce. I have also been experiencing pain in my neck and well I guess this happens with the type of surgery I had which my doctor had left that part out but my friend Google has been trying to help me: (https://www.verywell.com/thyroid-surgery- may-bring- on-unexpected- neck-pain- 3975103) .  Again a minor bump in the road but everything starts to add up. I listen to my coworkers talk about running a Fargo Marathon relay and playing sand volleyball, which is so awesome they like to be active but I sit there and think that used to be me. I am on the struggle bus when it comes to this topic and I can only keep putting one foot in front of the other.

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Most days I want to scream, “THIS ISN’T ME!” This whole experience has torn my old existence to pieces and it is about trying to figure out who the new me is and wants to be. I want you to know if you have had a similar experience that you are not alone in the fight to keep going. Life is about changes and it is what we do with it that makes us stronger but some days it is okay to fall apart too. We are all human and no one is perfect so hopefully we can look around us and accept everyone.  Hopefully the road gets smoother and some of the potholes go away but until then I will keep going.

“If you’re going through hell, keep going.” ~Winston Churchill

Resources:
https://www.facebook.com/thyroidcancersurvivors/


I have been listening to some new Shinedown songs lately with their new album “Attention Attention” being released on May 4th, I hope you enjoy:

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Devil (Click Here)
The silence, the silence
The blinding ultra violence
Knockin at your door
Pacin back and forth
What now?
The whispers and the screams
The stereotypical profiling ritual
Vicious and obscene


The Human Radio (Click Here)
We march, we fight, we live
We scream, we die, we give
We want the world to know
We are the human radio

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Like Bon Jovi once said “Keep The Faith”

Until Next Time……..

OBITUARY

I have been thinking a lot about death lately as it is a fact that it is inevitable and we are never sure when it will be our time. Maybe because I am getting older which means my parents and grandparents are getting older or that cancer sneaked up on me? There are some individuals who look at death as a scary situation as we may not know what will happen after we are no longer in existence. There are others who embrace it knowing that their time on earth is slowly coming to an end. I hear about stories where a mom with cancer who had months to live wrote her daughter letters for those big moments which would come without her presence. What about the stories of those who know it won’t be much longer so they decide to jump out of a plane or go on one last European vacation. I feel for those individuals who are suffering in long term care as they sit there not knowing when their time will come as they hold on to hope that they will get better. The young boy with brain cancer who has his whole life ahead of him and proves to us all that having a good attitude can get you places. Those instances where our loved ones are yanked out of lives with not being able to say good-by or have one last hug.  This all seems to wear on me emotionally when I see these stories or it hits close to home as I can feel the pain it causes the loved ones. The point is we just never know as most of these circumstances are out of our control, however maybe there is still something we can do while we are present.

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“He was always there for them no matter what. His laugh, presence and love will be greatly missed.”


“She as a beloved wife, mother, grandmother, great grandmother, sister, and aunt who showed great concern and love to everyone she met.”


I always talked about leaving a legacy when I used to have college student employees as I knew all of them had potential for something bigger than themselves. We have a choice to be kind human beings and to me it is that simple. There are some of us who have children and are trying to raise them to be compassionate with a world full of hatred. We don’t have to be entrepreneur of the year or a top business person to make an impact as even simple gestures can sometimes leave a bigger stamp on our hearts. I try to keep this in mind when society shows us the bigger the better. Reading the obituaries in our local newspaper has caught my attention as I see these faces that have passed away and I have this urge to know who they were. All I can say is I have seen hilarious, sad, and to the point stories of these individuals I have never met. It has given me the urge to write my own, not that I wouldn’t trust whomever to write my obituary but why not take that off the shoulders of my loved ones.

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     JoVal Jean (Schneibel) Wettlaufer was born on October 21, 1982 in Minot, ND. She grew up and attended school in Bottineau, ND and graduated from Bottineau High School in 2001. JoVal went on to college and later a full-time career but what mattered to her most was the idea of giving back to her community. She found a passion for volunteering/fundraising whether it be through her job, for a friend, or for her daughter’s extracurricular events. She led a simple life with the two LOVES of her life. JoVal met the man of her dreams when she was just five years old playing in a sandbox and the rest was history. Their beautiful daughter, Jocelyn Ann, was born on July 13, 2009 and she was JoVal’s everything. She enjoyed listening to music whether that be going to concerts or playing the occasional RockBand in her basement. She wanted to make a difference and leave the world behind her a better place. In lieu of flowers please donate to the charity of your choice.

“Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It’s not.” ~The Lorax


This has been shared with my loved ones as even though I won’t be here to see it in the local newspaper at least I know it has been taken care of along with the rest of my celebration of life details. I believe this is something we should talk about even though it is a tough subject.  I will leave you with this story as this little boy lost his life too soon and as soon as I saw his picture I needed to read more about him.  He is an inspiration at such a young age and I would love to help continue his legacy with Jesse’s Toy Box. Please read the following:

https://www.wday.com/news/4406596-wyndmere-boy-who-inspired-jessys-toybox-dies

http://www.inforum.com/obituaries/4407193-james- jessy-haberman

If you would like to donate toys to this organization please contact me and Thank You!


Here are some songs that will hopefully be played at my life celebration:
Stars: Skillet (Click Here)
If You can hold the stars in place
You can hold my heart the same
Whenever I fall away
Whenever I start to break
So here I am, lifting up my heart
To the one who holds the stars


Lean on Me: Bill Withers (Click Here)
Sometimes in our lives we all have pain
We all have sorrow
But if we are wise
We know that there’s always tomorrow
Lean on me, when you’re not strong
And I’ll be your friend
I’ll help you carry on
For it won’t be long
Til I’m gonna need
Somebody to lean on


This is one to make us all think a little more!
If Today Was Your Last Day: Nickelback (Click Here)
If today was your last day
And tomorrow was too late
Could you say goodbye to yesterday?
Would you live each moment like your last?
Leave old pictures in the past
Donate every dime you have?
If today was your last day

Until Next Time……..

My New Year….

What does a new year bring? Maybe it’s to exercise more or to be a better human being.  Is it a goal or a resolution?  It is a different perspective for all of us as my New Year didn’t begin until February 17th at 4:27 p.m.

February 17th: 6:23 a.m.
I am not sure I can go to work.  I feel like my intestines are being ripped apart.  I hope I can make it to my check up today. Why does my body hate me and why does it have to be today?  I need to get Jocey to school and then I will figure it out.

We conducted our New Year’s party the same way we do every year with a themed party.  This year I decided we would all be Power Rangers as I think we have all fought some battles this past year.  I love just staying home for New Years with my family as those are the people who comfort me always.  I have never really enjoyed large, loud crowds as you can’t enjoy a conversation without losing your voice.  Also, having Jocelyn has changed my perspective on everything so being at home with her is priceless.  We had some yummy food and drinks and let Jocey stay up until Midnight for her first time.  I have always found it interesting that everyone waits for the clock to strike midnight as I’m not sure what the excitement is all about?  When I was young I wished that it would be like the fairytale Cinderella where the clock strikes midnight and magic would happen with a beautiful, sparkly, carriage to whisk me away from my reality. Before the new year approached I was asked the question “I bet you are ready for a new year?” and my response was to smile and nod my head yes.  I needed some time to sit and ponder this question as was I ready for 2017 to be over?

7:30 a.m.
I am not going in to work today in case I am actually sick as I don’t want to get anyone else sick too.  Should I call in to the doctor and tell them I am not coming?  I don’t know if I can go another day not knowing if I have Cancer back?  Maybe it is a sign that I am not supposed to know or that it is back?  I am not sure I can handle it if there is bad news.

26733487_1980313228664835_6691523302526047650_n2017 was a year of me just trying to stay above water with waves crashing all around me.  There were days where the darkness consumed my thoughts and I just wasn’t sure how I was supposed to keep moving.  However, there were so many positives in 2017 too such as my daughter turning eight, our family vacation to the Valley Fair, our travels to Bottineau, my daughters track, basketball and now swimming events, bonfires with the neighbors, epic open mic nights of Rock Band in our basement, catching up with great friends at coffee shops, amazing concerts, and numerous family movie nights and that is just to name a few.  Did I really want 2017 to be over?  The answer is no, I wanted the horrible doctor appointments, the poking and prodding, numerous surgeries, the sleepless nights, awful medications, being away from my family, and the word CANCER to go away.  What does 2018 have in store for me?

2:30 p.m.
I am going to this appointment no matter what, I just can’t take it.  I think my body is just nervous and the anxiety has taken over.  I need to know what the next step is and from there I can figure out how to keep breathing.  What if they tell me it has come back?  What if everything is okay for now?  What should I make for supper as Jocey has swimming tonight.

23517993_921251324694332_8796270343208083356_nI am not sure I get excited for a new year anymore as it means that life is passing by and all the beautiful memories are now just in the past.  This is what we call life and we do our best to keep moving and to keep the light switch on.  I love watching my daughter grow up as children I believe are there to make us stop and enjoy the little moments. She has this light inside of her that I hope the world will never burn out.  I would like 2018 to not bring so much pain for those around me and to bring peace no matter what that looks like.  Maybe I will get to jump out of a plane or travel more?  Maybe I will get another tattoo?  Maybe I will get to see some family and friends that I haven’t in a long time?  Maybe I will just be?   This is My New Year….

4:27 p.m.
Thank you….6 more months….I can handle no Cancer for 6 more months! I think I’ll grab a coffee, great way to help my anxiety.:)


I hope your 2018 is filled with love and remember to just enjoy each moment.


I have been really listening to some 80’s and 90’s music on our local radio station lately as it keeps my spirits up in this crazy world of hurt and sadness. The music I chose to put on my blog is more of what I am feeling without being able to say the right words.  I hope you find something you like, enjoy:

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American Noise – Skillet (Click Here)

Slamming doors and cell phone rings
Hurricane force of silent screams
Don’t know what to believe
Bend the rule just to break it
You’re so tired ’cause you’re gotta fake it
But you just wanna be someone

Tired – Stone Sour (Click Here)

I’m not close, I’m not safe
I don’t know, don’t know, am I better off in chains?
The one is not aware
So stay away from me, I’m just too young to care

Looking for Angels – Skillet (Click Here)

Walk this world alone try to stay on my feet

Sometimes crawl, fall, but I stand up cause I’m afraid to sleep
And open my eyes to a new day, with all new problems 4. and all new pain
All the faces are filled with so much anger
Losing our dignity and hope from fear of danger
After all the wars, after settling the scores, at the break of dawn we will be deaf to the answers

Until Next Time…….

WHITE WALLS

The journey continues with various doctor appointments as I continue heal my body and mind.  There is something about a doctor’s office that has caught my attention since the day I had my thyroid biopsy.  Think about the last time you were in a doctor’s office and how it made you feel.
11/7/2017
“Here I am again in a waiting room waiting for a doctor to treat cancer cells on my lip.  I thank technology to help keep my mind occupied as the anxiety sets in.  When are they going to call my name? What kind of music are they playing? Maybe I should leave? How do they really know if this is going to take care of the crazy cells that seem to be swimming all over inside of me?”
“JoVal……………” said the nurse.
I know no one really loves going to the doctor and is excited for a visit that may not have the best outcome.  How about those yearly visits that everyone dreads, however those preventative visits are so beneficial as I know first hand.  If you only go once a year maybe a doctor’s office doesn’t bother you but if the doctor’s office becomes a place you visit regularly then the four white walls start take on a different meaning.
“I am so sick of being here in a room with these ugly white or yellowish walls.  I am tired of having tears due to everything I have going on.  This music is like listening to someone take their fingernails and scratch a chalkboard.  It is so depressing sitting in these surroundings over and over again.  How am I supposed to feel after being here?”
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I feel like I am in the beginning of the movie, “Wizard of Oz,” stuck in the house up in the tornado and it just keeps spinning.  When will I eventually be over the rainbow where there is color and music?  I feel punished every time I go in to the doctor as if to say you deserve to be sad and depressed.  Maybe there are some regulations or studies that show having white walls helps a person feel calm?  I think about the individuals who have to go in more often than I do and how it could affect them.  What about people who are in the hospital taking their last breath and have these white walls closing in on them.  I know this is probably the last thing people are thinking about when they have to be there but I find it quite depressing. If you have been in different Pediatric wards there is color and fun music to help children not think about what is actually happening to them so why does this change as we get older? I haven’t been to all hospitals or clinics so hopefully there is some where that has beautiful colors that help make the visit a little more bearable.  What if we were given virtual reality glasses when we arrived for our appointments?
“Why does she have that torch as it is quite large?  I just want to go home.  Thanks for the puff of cold air but it isn’t reassuring that it is all taken care of.”
“We are done torturing you now, just let us know if it gets infected.” Said the doctor.
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Music is my outlet and what is played in these places literally makes my skin crawl.  When I was at my thyroid biopsy the nurse stated before they inserted the needle that they should really think about changing the music as it makes her cry.  If it makes the nurse cry of course it is going to make the patients sad.  Again, may be there is certain music they are required to play but it is definitely not one size fits all type of music.  Would it not be interesting if after you finally get out of the hospital from a long term stay they would play “Eye of the Tiger” by Survivor or “Roar” by Katy Perry.  The struggle some have to go through I think the least they could do is help them celebrate the mountain they just climbed.  Maybe someday there will be an app where we can choose the music we would like in the hospital room, just maybe?

My parting thought is enjoy the music you love and look at all the beautiful colors of the world before the four white walls is all you know.


I want to leave with you these two amazing songs:


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Until Next Time……..