Traveling with Jo has taken on a new meaning recently as my journey is on a different path. Bare with me as this is very tough for me to write. Cancer is one of those words that is very popular unfortunately and of course I have known numerous individuals who have fought amazing battles with the ugly disease. I think it is like most things that we know it can happen to us but we try not to dwell on what if it does so it is kept in a secret compartment in our brains. I don’t think we can ever prepare for the “C” word to come out of our doctor’s mouth.
December 14th, 2016“I am sorry to inform you but your tests came back positive for cancer.” said my endocrinologist. “Can you repeat that please?” I have what? How did I get here? What did I do to deserve this? Am I being punished? What does this all mean?
I went for my annual wellness check on Friday, November 18th, 2016 with the thought process that this will be an easy visit and I can get back to work to finish some presentations. Staring at the plain colored walls was getting old after my doctor was over 30 minutes late for my appointment. I considered leaving and rescheduling because my patience was wearing very thin. She finally arrived and while going through the exam she touched my neck and thought something didn’t feel right or that it was larger than the year before. I thought to myself, how does she remember what my neck felt like a year ago? She scheduled an ultrasound and blood work just to be on the safe side. I never had any trouble breathing or swallowing and there is no visible lump/bump on my neck so I thought for sure everything would be fine. I was terribly wrong and the ultrasound showed nodules on both sides of my thyroid with one being larger than it should be so off to an endocrinologist I would go for a biopsy. The endocrinologist told me I had a 5% chance of having it so not to worry and that if I do have cancer it is the best kind to get. This really made me think how awful of a statement that can be to someone who just got cancer as is there really any kind of “Good Cancer?” The biopsy was painless, however, watching that long needle being inserted into my neck a few times finally made it sink in that there might actually be something wrong. One day after the biopsy I got the phone call at work with the news that it was positive for cancer. The wind was knocked out of me and I couldn’t catch my breath. My first thought was how do I tell my family? Then it was how can I make it okay for my little girl? Tears came out of my eyes even after I stopped crying and the knot in my stomach grew. I just wanted to run and keep running until it all went away but that wasn’t reality as now my new normal was the unexpected.
January 19th, 2017Before Surgery:I can’t believe surgery is today, I’m so nervous. What if they find it in the lymph nodes? I hope I don’t have to do the radioactive pill! I’m so scared to be put under, what if I don’t wake up and didn’t get to say goodbye?After Surgery:Why is it taking so long to get a room? I feel so bad for those around me as I can feel their pain and tears. I’m dreading spending the night in the hospital by myself. I feel lonely…..
The surgery went fine as they removed the full thyroid along with 11 lymph nodes to see if it had spread. I think during this whole situation my frustration lies with the waiting game as really takes a toll on a person and their mental state. After the surgery I was aware with some of the symptoms as I knew I would be low in calcium so there was a possibility I would have tingling in my limbs and by my mouth. The day after surgery these symptoms starting appearing which landed me in the ER with a panic attack that felt like a stroke as my whole body was being paralyzed. It was brought to my attention that I did have low calcium as during surgery two of my parathyroids were removed which help regulate your calcium. I have dealt with anxiety and some depression but this was a whole new level for me. There wasn’t much awareness on the subject matter before surgery and I think there needs to be better communication about it before a person has their thyroid taken out. I have a beautiful scar which makes me look like Frankenstein’s wife but I have been told it will fade to be barely noticeable however I’m not sure the scars from all this will ever completely heal.
January 25th, 2017It is Sanford again. “It shows that the cancer was in the lymph nodes, so more than likely you will need to do the radioactive pill treatment.” endocrinologist’s nurse. What does this all involve? Being away from Jocey for five days is going to be so hard on her. Being alone in one room by myself, this could get interesting.
The radioactive treatment has a lot of avenues that I have been trying to figure out since January 25th and it is now March. I am hoping to start the process on March, 6, 2017 but everything has to fall in place perfectly. I need to have a scan to see if it is anywhere else first and my iodine and thyroid levels need to be just right. I am really scared when it comes to the scan and I’m guessing it is because of the not knowing which kills me. I know and have been told many times that soon this will be over and that others have been in the same situation are doing great. It is somewhat reassuring that I’m not alone and I know others are trying to make me feel better, but I’m not them and my road is different. Those other individuals don’t have my body, my life, and my mind. I have been on the struggle bus lately with the what if’s which I try not to do but I look at my little girl and tears just roll down my cheeks. Working out which is a must for my mental state makes me sick easily. I’m so tired that I go to bed early but then I can’t sleep anyways. I can’t eat food with iodized salt or with some other ingredients so my energy levels are at zero. This is my life for a few weeks but even after the treatment life will never go fully back to the way it was which is hard to come to terms with.
This is what I have come to realize with everything is that I do have a new perspective on life. The reason for this post was not to just tell my story as you can see it took me awhile to even want to tell it, but to bring awareness to the subject matter. Going in for your yearly exam is key to catch what might be lurking in your body without your knowledge. I wake up every morning taking in every moment I have to be alive. I watch my daughter’s every move especially when she is sleeping because I have that fear of it could be my last. Problems and situations roll off my shoulders a little easier but I can realize what is really important quicker. I can feel the warmth of support surrounding me like a giant hug from my precious little family and friends who are family. The place I work has been behind me every step of the way which is reassuring when I need to be gone. Every day we are on this earth is a blessing and we get to decide what we do with that and as I am crying writing this I hope you all take a moment for yourself as you are the most precious gift. This journey isn’t over and I might have updates and I might not but I want to Thank You for being along for the ride. My fight isn’t over but I intend to KEEP GOING!
“Be good to yourself and those around you”
Music has been my release lately as I’m traveling on this road and other roads in North Dakota. I recently went to a Skillet concert and they have a new song out I would like you to hear.
Whenever I fall away
Whenever I start to break
So here I am, lifting up my heart
To the one who holds the stars
Whenever I start to break
So here I am, lifting up my heart
To the one who holds the stars
I want to be able to provide resources for those who may be going through this and if you have any questions please let me know.
Resources: Click on each
Until Next Time……….
Traveling With Jo 
I just read this & you are truly inspiration!
You are strong & a fighter ❤ I am here always, if I can do anything..please let me know.
You got this!! And have such a wonderful & support system. Stay positive my Friend.
Love you..
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Thank you Sheri! Love you too!
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Joval…this breaks my heart to hear! You’re an amazing person! You left such a positive impact on me while at the Wellness. You can beat cancer! Be strong and have faith! Philippians 4: 13
Prayers,
Zach Hochhalter
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Thank you Zach for the kind words! Miss seeing your face and hope everything is going amazing for you!!
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So sorry you have had to go through this, JoVal but you are a remarkable person with a “I can do this” attitude. Stay strong and positive. All of your friends, family and work partners are cheering and praying for you.
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Thank you Jan, I appreciate it!
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I am very sorry to hear that you are having to go through this. Your strength is inspiring. Sending thoughts and prayers to you and your family.
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Thank you Greg, I appreciate it!
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JoVal so sorry to hear about your cancer journey. My prayers are with you and your family. It certainly doesn’t seem fair that young people have to have the ‘c’ word. Please stay positive by concentrating on the most important things in your life like your daughter and the rest of your family. Thoughts and prayers coming your way.
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Thank you Connie!!
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Dear Joval,
Thank you for sharing your story. I’m very sorry to hear your news. Pkease know we will be here to support you every step of the way. You will be in my prayers. Your insights are helpful to doctors and nurses in providing care and support to their patients and as a nurse, I thank you for your honesty. God’s Blessings to you and your family.
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Thank you so much Gigi!!
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JoVal,
My thoughts and prayers are with you on this journey!
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Thank you Vicki!!
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Jo Val thanks for sharing your journey…yes life does hand us many bumps and turns but this horrible disease can be the worst for any family. Special thoughts and prayers and hugs sent to you and your family. Stay strong!!
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JoVal,
Wishing you peace and comfort today! You are a strong person and have support from your family and friends. Everyone has your back! Prayers are coming your way from all your friends and family. May God continue to Bless you and your family. You stay STRONG JoVal.
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