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“80”

/ wettlaufer88 / Leave a comment
Last week there wasn’t much travel involved with work, however we traveled back home to see family and to celebrate my Grandma Char’s 80th Birthday.
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What does a birthday signify? Yes, we get one year older and of course when you are young that is all you want to do is get older so you can experience adult things. When I was young I just wanted to be able to do things like drive so wished my time away as I’m sure most of us did. I hear my daughter say “mom I wish I was older so I could stay up later” but again always telling her that getting older comes with more responsibilities and that not to wish her precious time away. Birthdays are a part of life but I think I am to the point where my birthday is just another day and it makes me a little sad because knowing I become a year older means the people I love are also getting older like my parents and grandma Char.
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“SURPRISE”!!! We tried to surprise my grandma for her 80th and I’m not sure how surprised she was but the look on her face was priceless. As I sat and looked at her from a distance, I wish I knew what was going through her mind at that second when her family was there to love and cherish her? She kept telling us not to have a party but I think we all knew that she would love it once she saw all of us. I can still remember the sites and sounds when we had her surprise 60th at the farm and what a fun time it was even though I was only 13 years old.
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What does getting a year older mean to her? From my perspective turning a year older has been a huge transition for her as she moved off the farm and had to get use to a strange place. She has been having a rough time since moving off the farm and I’m not sure I blame her. Of course, as we get older our brain likes to play games on us and we tend to not be as sharp as we once were and some call it dementia others just a part of getting older. I have been watching that confusion come over her like a tidal wave and not being able to explain it. In certain ways I know what she is going through as our minds become this shell of what they once were and it is hard to figure out how to get through it, however with her I’m not sure there is a way out. It has been pretty hard on all of us as my grandma is a person who lights up a room when she walks in and is always willing to strike up a conversation as I remember the days just going to the local grocery as we would be there for hours. I can see remnants of those moments but they are harder to come by and see on a daily basis. I heard comments “Don’t worry she won’t remember tomorrow anyway” on that day and I know it wasn’t meant to be vicious but it made me think even more. Is this what getting a year older means and maybe instead of looking at it that way to try and understand how hard this is on her? I can feel her pain……(tears falling).
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Grandma Char is one of the reasons I am who I am today and definitely have that close bond with her. Her birthday was an amazing day and I was so glad I could be a part of that big smile on her face. Leaving her is never easy as I know I will see her again and hopefully will be able to throw her a 90th Birthday Party but the tears always flow on the drive back. I can picture her sitting there alone and the quiet that surrounds her… Happy Birthday Grandma Char, We Love You To The Moon And Back!
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Music lately has been country as I listen to it more when I’m around my grandma and some of these I can relate to, so enjoy.

There’ll be days your heart don’t wanna beat
You pray more than you breathe
And you just wanna fall to pieces

Somebody’s Hero: Jamie O’NealShe’s somebody’s hero
She’s somebody’s hero
A hero to her mother in a rockin’ chair
She runs a brush through her silver hair
The envy of the nursing home
She drops by every afternoon
Feeds her mama with a spoon
And that smile lets her know
Her mother’s smile lets her know
She’s somebody’s hero

There’s somethin’ about that generation
These days I think we need ’em
More than we ever did before
But they don’t make ’em like that anymore
Bonus Track: To honor the amazing talent Prince
Until Next Time……………………………..
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My Little Chick!

My Fitness Journey

/ wettlaufer88 / Leave a comment
This week has been a very interesting week as I have been pretty busy but have had a lot of down time, if that makes sense. I was reflecting yesterday when I sat at a hospital for six hours about my journey when it comes to fitness.
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Mile 1: Let’s get on the treadmill for my 4 mile run as I need to keep training for the 10K. Ugh I really don’t feel like it all, however you will feel better once you finish.
The word “Fitness” has always played an important role in my journey through the waves of life. I guess in the beginning it started with sports and learning to love the way it felt to compete and the practices/workouts that went with it. I am the person that is never done as I was the person who was at the weight room or running in the school at 6am before school even started. Sometimes the practice wasn’t enough or I didn’t feel complete so the extra time is what I needed. Looking back and knowing how my mind works it was probably a way for me to be in the quiet to sort my thoughts and emotions. The times where I would travel an hour after track practice to complete acceleration training or those times in the summer where a few of us would go to the college to complete programs to get us ready for the school year and last but not least when I tore my ACL/MCL and what it took to come back from that. The knee problems really were the beginning of a more in-depth interest and it also led to more issues. All these moments were starting to prepare me for what was to come.
Mile 2: This doesn’t feel too bad, just keep going. Make sure your face and arms are relaxed. I hope I’ll have time to get the housework done tonight. Now this is a great song (One Thing).
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Once I got to college things started to become more clear on where this road was heading. I went from Athletic Training as a career to Exercise Science and began working at the Wellness Center on campus. I also began running longer distances starting with a 5K, then a 10K, and finally 2 half marathons. During this time I had a lot going on and there were some pretty dark times. The thing is my knee has a love/hate relationship with running, however the rest of me loves it so another knee surgery was in order so that I could function. Working at the Wellness Center I saw all different types of individuals trying to reach their fitness goals and was able to become a Certified Personal Trainer along with a Group Exercise Instructor which I absolutely loved. I usually got the “Your not the typical skinny, ripped female trainer” and they were right. If you looked at me you would think the same thing as I see it in the mirror everyday. Managing my weight is something I have always struggled with as you would think I would be 100 lbs. for how much I workout but let’s be honest it isn’t easy. My body image is something I really have to work at everyday as being perfect is what I strive for however, knowing that my body is perfect for me. The balance of exercise and nutrition is definitely a key when it comes to continuing on the right path.
Mile 3: I have such a side ache and probably shouldn’t of had that sushi for lunch. Why does my knee have to start hurting now as I am almost there and I should’ve taken some Tylenol before the workout. Just keep going you don’t have much left.
What we put in our bodies helps so much with everything not only the physical but mental health as well. I am human and have had my issues with food as I’m sure like everyone else. When I was in high school everyone wanted that perfect body as so did I so not eating much became a thing. I was able to balance everything decently well as I lived at home and had healthy meals. Then college came and I had to be on my own and try to have it all figured out but definitely failed. It was easier to hide my eating habits as I didn’t have my parents to watch over me. The thing is I am an emotional eater so going from eating not much on a daily basis and then riding the roller coaster to the point where I would eat everything and anything. I couldn’t figure out how to ride those waves without falling. I still struggle everyday with food but being a mom and having to teach my little to eat right has helped with the day to day.
Mile 3.5: You are almost to 4 miles, awesome keep going as that is the longest you have ran during your training this year. I wish my knee would stop getting worse. Stop complaining you are able to so put one foot in front of the other.
Training for races has been such a wonderful thing for my mental health, however there are plenty of times when I feel like giving up. I have the Fargo 10K in sight and training is never easy and I really need to work for it. Most of my workouts consist of cross-training as I can’t run everyday or my knee would give up, lol. I won’t even run 6 miles until the actual race but I have made it work. I always wonder what it would be like to be able to run everyday again like I used to. I have so many friends and co-workers that are able to run and train hard which is so awesome but there is a part of me that wishes I could to. I’m not complaining and not looking for sympathy as I know I am still able to do something as there are many out there that can’t so here is to doing what I’m doing.
Mile 3.75: Well the treadmill won and here I sit as I couldn’t reach my goal.  Tomorrow is another day.
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The point of this post is that no matter what you do, find the balance that is right for you. You know your body and what it can handle and do not compare yourself to others. You are all unique and make this world a better place. Here are a few sites/blogs/vlogs that can help out with your training needs so check them out:
www.team-hoot.com :  Shawn Francis is an inspiration who is going to inspire you so check out his website which also has training and tons more!
www.jedkobernusz.com: Jed Kobernsuz, Exercise Physiologist, is an amazing person who I was able to work with at the Wellness Center and who is here to motivate individuals at all levels. Check it out, you won’t be disappointed!!
Music this week has been mostly Halestorm as we were going to their concert this weekend but no longer able to, so enjoy:
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Until Next Time………

“Up Above”

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Life doesn’t seem to want to slow down and I have been traveling quite a bit but this gives me time to ponder on life. I was recently laying with my little girl in her bed before bed time to have some girl talk and she likes to put her “Stars” on. Jocelyn has a turtle that turns on and projects stars on the ceiling and walls which she has done since she was a toddler. She asked me the question “What do you think really is up above?” I sat there in silence for a minute and said a whole different universe. Of course this didn’t satisfy her curiosity and we talked a lot about stars and heaven.
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“Twinkle twinkle little star”
Stars have always been something that have intrigued me even at a young age. I think Jocey thinks like me sometimes which is kind of scary but maybe at the same time a good thing?! I have always loved being outside at night as it is so calm and peaceful whether it was a bonfire, rollerblading down Main Street, or just out for a walk. Nothing is a better sight than seeing the stars above shining so brightly like a light show for all of us to watch for free. What is up there? Of course we know the science behind stars as we see the sun on a daily basis but as a young child imagination takes over. I always thought maybe stars were a part of something bigger maybe because we have always been told to wish on a shooting star. Maybe I always wanted so badly for those wishes to come true when I knew deep down that it would never happen.
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“How I wonder what you are…..”
Stars have been a big part of my life not just because growing up my high school team name was “Stars” but have always loved what they represent to me. They are scattered throughout my life which is fitting how they are scattered throughout the sky. If you know me I have two star tattoos and I always get asked “What is the significance of your star tattoos?” my answer is always “I just love stars.” There may be some clothes hanging in my closet that have stars on them and of course anytime I see some type of clothing with stars on it for Jocelyn it will be purchased. Stars are even placed throughout our house almost like a scavenger hunt to keep the reminder of what a star means to me.
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“up above the world so high…”
“Mom do you see stars in heaven?” “Yes, Jocelyn the stars shine even brighter in heaven.” What a concept that heaven can be what you want it to be even if we don’t know what comes next. Why not make it in to something that is extraordinary like being in the sky among the brightest stars where maybe we are able to make someone’s wish come true. That doesn’t sound so bad to me………
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“like a diamond in the sky.”
I think more than anything I like what stars represent for me. There is so much darkness in the world but there is a bright spot in all of us that we can choose to let shine. If you think about it in order to see the stars there needs to be a certain darkness so maybe there is hope for all of us? I have been thinking about attachment and wondering if there is some inner attachment issue or a deeper underlining situation on to why I’m so interested? I really thinking it just has something to do with the way I grew up and the situations I was in and I’m guessing those moments are where everything in the world seemed okay for just a second.
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“twinkle twinkle little star how I wonder what you are.”

Music this week has been quite a mixture as it is concert season along with traveling to Brookings, SD, so enjoy the madness.

(Recently released and an amazing track as I wish everyone would follow what is in the lyrics maybe this world would have more peace!)
“Don’t take for granted the love this life gives you
When you get where you’re goin
Don’t forget turn back around
And help the next one in line
Always stay humble and kind”
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Until Next Time……

“Little Moments”

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Over the past few weeks I have traveled a lot for my job and officiating and have been pondering about the little moments in my life that make it so special. I have a hard time living in the moment which you may already know about me and I am always striving to find a bigger meaning in my life. A friend of mine, Shawn Francis, had this Vlog about “Living in the Moment”(Check it out Here and to learn more about his amazing organization “Team Hoot” Click Here ) and it brought some things to light. Just reading Team Hoot’s philosophy (see part of it below) definitely puts some things into perspective.  Lately I have been really trying to see things differently and have noticed these little moments, no matter how small, have made me realize how lucky I have been.

Team Hoot Philosophy 

Team Hoot is more like a way of life. It is an idea that by going against conventional wisdom, taking the road less traveled, trusting your instincts and facing your fears that you are more powerful than you imagine. We believe that life begins at the end of your comfort zone and that life is something that needs to be experienced vs spectated.  Waking up with these perceptions are contagious, it builds courage to trust your heart, have more fun, and it inspires others to do the same. Thoreau once said “Most men live lives of quiet desperation and go to the grave with a song still in them”. We say sing your song! So many people live a life within unhappy circumstances……

“Giggles”
The sound of a little girl with blonde hair and blues eyes giggling throughout my house is one of those sounds I will never forget. Jocelyn has this amazing ability to light up a room with her bright personality. She truly is my blessing and that smile of hers is so enchanting and makes you want to smile right back at her. Little kids are always able to see the positive perspective in a bad situation and it makes me wonder where we lose that growing up. Always make time to laugh with those who mean the world to you as that sound you may never get back someday!
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“Late Night Chats”
You know those people who are always there even though there may be miles and miles of distance between the two of you but every time you see them it feels like where you had just left off the last time you saw them, well I was reminded this last weekend of this special person. Remember those sleep overs when you would stay up until 3am just chatting about life well I was lucky to have one of those chats again as it was needed to catch up with our daily lives as we both have so much going on. She is such an amazing friend and human being and I cherish every moment I get to spend with her even though it may not happen as often as we would like. Remember to reach out to those you may not have heard from in awhile because I’m guessing they need to chat as much as you do!
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“Help”
The moment when I feel tears running down my cheeks into the empty spaces of life and that special someone, my husband, knows exactly what I need such as cleaning up after something I messed up or making supper when I don’t know where to turn or just listening to me no matter how messy I look. These moments I am thankful for that I have someone to help me when life keeps throwing stones. Look around you and if you have one of those special people in your life when is the last time you gave them a hug and said “Thank You”?
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Those little moments maybe “Little” but the impact is BIG in a way that can fill your heart and make you want to live another moment……
Music this week is a song that I heard that I instantly fell in love with so please enjoy:
Upward falling, spirit soaring
I touch the sky
When my knees hit the ground

Bonus Track: Nirvana featuring Beck
Until Next Time…………..

“Female Official Perspective”

/ wettlaufer88 / 1 Comment
The past few weeks I have been traveling quite a bit for officiating basketball so I have had some time to think about being a female official and the sports I officiate. I officiate Volleyball and Basketball from little ones up to Varsity which can be rewarding but a huge challenge.
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Warmups: I love this part of the game because everyone is excited for the game to begin. The pep band is playing the usual songs and the smell of popcorn is passing through the gym. Emotions are running high and the adrenaline is kicking in for the girls. I shake the coaches hands and wish them good luck along with a few fist bumps from the girls during line-ups. There is no sight of bad sportsmanship and I am ready to officiate this game to the best of my ability. Now the game begins…..
I have been around sports my whole life as my dad played football at NDSU and was an athletic director and coach at one point so at a young age my parents made sure my sister and I were active. Being from a smaller town I was able to tryout for most sports and was able to choose Track, Basketball, and Volleyball to be in throughout High School. I was by no means gifted when it came to sports as I was very clumsy and didn’t have very good hand eye coordination but I worked very hard and was able to be decent with Track being my favorite. My dad has been an official my whole life and I was able to see all perspectives when it came to the sports I played before becoming an official myself.
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First Half: It has only been 3 minutes and the one coach has complained about all the calls with the players and audience chiming in. Why is the coach not concentrating on his players and coaching? The coach shouts, “That’s over the back, you should be watching for that ref.” First, there is no over the back call it is called a push and second if the player is straight up even though the one player is behind the other and rebounds there is not a call. I wonder how many coaches read the rules book like we do before a season?
Sportsmanship is a concept that I see a lot of individuals struggling with. From the coaches to the players to the crowd.  As you can see in this article about a Coach head-butts an official: Click Here.  This isn’t the only instance of officials getting hurt during officiating.  It troubles me that you have to run off the court when the game is over to avoid confrontation.  Should we be afraid or should we be thanked when the game is over?  When did bad sportsmanship become such an important part of the game? Don’t get me wrong there are plenty of teams that have amazing sportsmanship and it is so much fun to officiate. However, the past 6-7 years that I have been officiating it is becoming increasingly worse. What are we teaching the kids? Are we teaching them it is okay to be disrespectful to others? Are we showing them that if you complain enough then maybe the outcome will be different? Here is a great website as I look at their Facebook page quite often as they like to teach the values of playing a sport: Click Here.  I even have players drop the ball in front of me instead of handing the ball to me which I always did. I guess as a parent if I saw my child have bad sportsmanship during a game there would be consequences and it would be a teachable moment. What I see is the parents also having bad sportsmanship which is so hard for me to comprehend. The interesting situation is it doesn’t start at the Varsity level it starts very young as I have officiated some 3rd grade teams with coaches that come unglued. Your right, the point of the game is to win, however the actual point of a game is to learn to win and lose graciously.
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Second Half: The one team is leading by 30 points so hopefully now we can get back to how a game should be which is players playing and coaches coaching and us as officials officiating. Well there goes my partner telling the coach to tell his players to keep quiet otherwise a Technical will be given and this is the team that is winning by 30. The horn blows for a timeout as there is only a few minutes left. 30 seconds left, why is the coach yelling at my partner? Game Over.
I understand the competitive nature of sports and if a team loses too much maybe the coaches job is in jeopardy and all the other politics that come with coaching. However, I think we need to all take a look at team sports are supposed to do for our children. I get the question all the time, “You officiate?” Yes, I may be a female but I can officiate just as good as anyone. I also sometimes get treated different sometimes when I go to officiate which I feel is unfortunate because I am there to do a job just like anyone else.  I have even been told “You could work up faster because they are always looking for female officials.”  Again, I don’t want to get any games because I am a female but because I am a great official and I have a ways to go before I would call myself amazing!   I love the sport of basketball as I can still remember very vividly winning the State Championship but sometimes it does make it hard when bad sportsmanship plays a part. I am human and of course I miss calls or make the wrong call but it is never intentional and I am there to make the game run smoothly for the kids that are playing so they have the best experience.  Jocelyn has her first basketball game this Saturday and I hope it is an enjoyable experience for her.  I don’t want her to see the harshness quite yet as she is only in 1st grade.
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(Her team is called “Thundering Herd” and I LOVE it:))
I challenge you whether you are a coach, player, official, or spectator that next time you are at a sporting event that you exemplify good sportsmanship because you never know what the person has going on beyond the playing field.
Music has been an interesting selection lately as I have been in this funk so last weekend I decided to watch one of my all time favorite movies that has some great music called “10 Things I Hate About You” as my favorite actress is Julia Stiles.  Take a listen and who knows you may hear something you didn’t before as that is the beauty of music.
Until Next Time………..

Purpose

/ wettlaufer88 / Leave a comment
The holiday season always gives me mixed emotions as it comes and goes so quickly yet we put so much effort in to it. I usually go through the holiday blues after it is over and I ask myself “Why?” For me it isn’t because there is no more presents or food, it is because of the time with family that you can’t have back. The New Year is right around the corner and a lot of people are deciding what their New Year Resolution is going to be and usually it has to do with making their own lives better such as….”I want to work out more”….. “I’m going to quit pop or sugar”……..”I am going to spend my money more wisely.” I use to make these resolutions quite often when I was younger before life happened. I am not saying this is a horrible thing as everyone has the right to do what they want and if it works for them then more power to them. However, how many actually follow through with these resolutions? What is the purpose behind the resolutions?
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The purpose……yes something I ponder quite often. What is the purpose of life and what is my purpose in this life? This is something I struggle with as I always want to do better and be better for everyone around me. Of course, I try not to think about it too much as it can eat a person alive. However, that is how I function and figured for this New Year and for every year forward, I want and need to make a difference. I always have had this need to give back and have tried to make this happen wherever I am such as when I worked with college students and wanting to show them life is more than just a degree. I never did these things so that people would notice, I did it for myself as there is nothing better than that feeling of hope for others. Of course, you can always donate money which is great cause most places and causes need money for research and etc…. Maybe though if we give our time more often it has even more value to those around us and for ourselves? Jocelyn has this idea that she wants to buy toys with her piggy bank money to give to children who don’t get toys. I love that her mind is able to think that way and want to make others who don’t have much, happy. I do let her know that it isn’t just about the toys but helping those in need and maybe spending some time with them too. I also love this idea of “Paying it Forward” or the “Random Acts of Kindness” as they are truly acts that come from the heart on wanting to help someone out. I recently received a Random Act of Kindness, Jocey was with me and I started crying cause I didn’t feel I deserved it and someone else probably needed it more but I think it was just another way to let me know I need and want to do more for others.
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So here is my resolution not for just this year but for all years to come. Each month my family and I will partake in giving our time and attention to those that are in need whether it is a Random Act or going to the Food Pantry for examples. I feel maybe this is a way to gain insight on what my actual purpose is as I have always wanted to do things for others. I want to leave that with my child and to show her that giving should be just a normal part of life and that you never know when a person will need it back. We are so fortunate to have food, a roof over our heads, and the love we share that why not make someone else’s day. So stay tuned as I will be blogging about our journey along the way.
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Music has been an interesting mix of old songs lately so here you go, enjoy:
Have a wonderful New Year and Until Next Time…………………
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“Thank You”

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I just want to start off with “Thank You” for being a part of my life and reading my blog posts as this will be my 22nd post.
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I have been traveling a lot lately again for work and had a lot of time to think on my way to Cooperstown today about being grateful. Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday for a few reasons; there isn’t a lot of running around, it isn’t about gifts, I love the food and spending time with my family and the traditions we have, but most importantly it is a time to reflect.
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Why do we usually only reflect and are thankful at this time of year? Why don’t we say what we are THANKFUL for everyday? I always see on Facebook in the month of November those that post everyday what they are thankful for. I never did understand this but maybe it is just their time to get it in the open. Why not wake up every morning and be thankful that we got to wakeup and have a day to enjoy? I know this is hard to do from experience as most days my brain is worried about something or isn’t happy with something so it is hard to be in the moment. I have been trying to change my ways with baby steps. I really try to let people know how thankful I am to have them in my life as I think we should all do this a little more.
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There is a lot of things I can be Thankful for as you read during my Thankful 100 post however the things that I’m thankful for most come in small packages and are not material things. We are always wanting more as a society….more money/salary, nicer car, bigger house and the list goes on. What about being thankful for what we already have? We just bought our first house at the ages of 33 & 34 and will probably be in it forever and that is good enough as some are homeless. I cherish and am thankful for every moment I get to spend with my daughter and husband and wished I had more time with them. I am thankful for new friendships this past year as my eyes have been opened to the world more and my heart has been filled with laughter and joy. The times I get to be with my sister and just laugh as she usually is having fun and enjoying every moment and is so full of life. Then there is moments with my parents where I watch them play with my little girl and remember when I was little and how they cared for me and raised me to be who I am. I am thankful for every moment I get to spend with my grandmother as there will come that day when it won’t be possible and my time with her is priceless as I just love listening to her talk and her hugs. So as you can see I don’t need more as I have the moments and memories to last a lifetime and I am able to create more of those as I try to live in the moment. Time is a precious gift……
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We use to spend our Thanksgivings on my Grandmother’s farm and now that too is a memory, however one tradition will live on with my little family……
It is Thanksgiving morning and as we would get out of bed there would be wonderful smells coming from Grandma’s kitchen. My sister and I would always pull apart the bread for the stuffing. I would put the sugar and butter on the lefse and let’s be honest, I ate some too. However, the one tradition that I will forever hold on to is when preparing the Turkey we would always make sure we would take out the wish bone and dry it and once it was dried either my mom and I or my grandma and I would make a wish (mine every single year was for everyone to be happy) and then we would put it apart. Whomever had the part with the most bone would be the winner and the wish was supposed to come true. Of course, I’m sure the wishes probably didn’t come true but being in that moment and knowing what it is all about is priceless as I will probably never get to do that with my grandma again but it will be with me always (tears).
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A necklace that I wear to remember! Make a Wish!:)

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving and remember to cherish the moments and time you have with all your loved ones. Live in the moment!!!

Music has been all over the place lately and I have been listening to 101.9 out of Fargo so here are some fun tunes (Click On Links Below To Listen):
“Go ahead release your fears, stand up and be counted
Don’t be ashamed to cry”

“Feel the moment slip into the past
Like sand through an hourglass
In the madness, I guess, I just forget
To do all the things I said”
“I’m a whisper lost upon wind
I’m the ember that will burn you down
I’m the water that will drown you
I’m a star that’s just a black hole now
I’m a terrifying danger
I’m fruit decaying on the ground
I’m a swallower of anger
I’m the tree that falls and makes no sound
I make no sound…”
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Until Next Time………

“A SCARE”

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Where to start I have been literally traveling all over by a Jet Plane and car from Nebraska to South Dakota and all over North Dakota. It has been a crazy few weeks and needed some time off from blogging. To tell you the truth it has been a down and out few weeks for me with some definite lows. I had started a blog on Sportsmanship which will come out later but decided to go a head with a more personal story.

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What does life mean to you? This is a question that I often ponder as my mind ponders everything all the time but this certain question has been on my mind a lot recently. I decided to finally go in to get a scan of my moles as I had a few spots that didn’t seem right to me. Working for an insurance company I am constantly preaching to employees that everyone should be preventative about their health so I decided to do the same with my own health. So I went to my first appointment and waited.
“Maybe I don’t even need this check-up? I am sure I will be in and out of the doctor’s office fast and then can get back to work. Alright here we go finally as I have so much I need to get done at work today and a presentation.”

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I always think the worst part of a doctor’s visit is sitting in the waiting room just waiting for the nurse to call your name. I hate suspense and I am always nervous just waiting there and watching others around me go in and then come out. I always sit there and wonder what everyone else is thinking or what they are going through as you never know what news they may have heard or are waiting for to hear. I haven’t had the greatest experiences when it has come to hospitals and doctors and would prefer to never go as I’m sure most feel the same way I do. Hospitals and clinics are supposed to make us feel safe and it is supposed to be a place where we can go for answers but to me it means death and bad news. Of course, I was just going in to check my moles, what could really go wrong?!

“Great the spots that I needed checked he isn’t worry about. Finally I can leave. What? You said what? I need to have a mole removed? I think he is wrong because I have had this mole on my back my whole life and it really hasn’t changed shape or color so why now? Fine just remove it so I can get on with my day. Send it off to pathology, well do what you have to do I guess but it isn’t going to show anything. Maybe they just want more money for me, ugh. Awesome, you are going to tell me my results when I am flying around with a company, this should be interesting.”
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We are always rushing from here to there and don’t take time to be present. This is something that I am very bad at as I have so much going on that I don’t realize what is right in front of me sometimes. I have gotten the questions from my therapist, “When do you have time for yourself? How can you juggle so much? How are you still functioning?” My answers are of course I just keep moving because if I have time to sit and think of everything is going on around me I might fall apart. In times like these when life gets away from me I need to learn to lean on those around me such as my family and friends, however this is a very hard concept for me.
Nurse on the phone: “You need to have a ________.” “What does that word even mean? What are they going to do to me? What do they mean they didn’t get it all as there isn’t much skin left? Atypical cells, is this really happening? How can this be? Is there a possibility that there is cancer?”
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Cancer……what an awful word. I have seen my loved ones go through many different types of cancer so of course the word scares the crap out of me. Sure skin cancer is most of the time curable and it shouldn’t be a big deal right?! Well, to me in that moment I felt the walls closing in around me. I kept telling myself…I’ll be fine, everything will be okay but what I was really thinking was maybe I’m being punished for something, maybe this is the way it has to be?! Then I sat after the phone call with the news that I needed more done and cried because I had so many thoughts of what if…..What if I don’t get to accomplish everything I want to……What if I’m not around for my little girl……What if my family has to watch me suffer? Then that question crept in…What does life mean to me? At this point I didn’t know much on what was coming next and that scared me more than anything. Again these are my feelings and what was going through my mind at the time and I felt like if I said much I would be burdening those around me that cared and I didn’t want anyone to worry.
“Here I am again, not knowing what to expect. At least I didn’t have to wait long. This room doesn’t look like a normal room, it has way more equipment almost like a surgery room and it even had a TV. Why am I in a room like this as they told me they were just taking some more and now I wonder how much more. The doctor looks like he is 20 years old and is trying to explain to me what is happening and what is going to happen today. You are going to do WHAT???”
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Hold your loved ones tight and don’t let go. Enjoy what is in front of you and do things that you have always wanted to do. Don’t hold back when it comes to love and love everyone and everything around you. Show appreciation for others that want to be close to you. Always listen to those around you as listening is such a powerful tool. Dance in the rain and break some rules. LIVE with no regrets and cherish every moment of every day.
(Disclaimer: this may be graphic)
As I lay on my stomach and the nurse shoots my back up with numbing juice but I’m not sure why so much and such a wide area. Isn’t this supposed to be a small procedure? Thanks for putting the bio hazard bag and utensils in front of my face, this is not going to be good. The doctor comes back in to the room and starts cutting and it’s a good thing it is numb. In a few minutes I see what looks like a huge piece of flesh laying on the tray….oh wait it is mine, kind of felt like I was in a zombie movie or something. Wish they could’ve been a little more discreet with everything as I’m just laying here by myself. It’s a good thing they can’t see my face right now and my tears rolling down my cheek. I really wish someone would have told me what this procedure really consisted of……..Now time for the sewing…..I wonder what it looks like or how big the opening as judging by the huge chunk on the tray ugh this could be interesting. You have to send it to pathology again? I thought this was it and everything would be fine after you cut some more off.

Don’t wait to take control of your own health. Today is a day to start to become your advocate of your own body. Maybe if I would’ve went in sooner? In that moment it all became real to me. Leaving the clinic that day….I completely fell apart…I wanted to scream and punch things….I know it wasn’t the end of the world and I didn’t want to be dramatic about the situation so I did what I do best and kept it to myself. I went and did a presentation for work and even went and officiated a Volleyball game that night at Northern Cass. The point I would like to make is you never know what the person next to you is going through so be kind. If they open up to you and let you in, don’t judge as even if it is a small thing to you it might be a big thing in their world so don’t belittle it. Just be there for those in need and give a person a shoulder to cry on.

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(As you can see from the picture above the results are negative for now!)

Music has been an interesting combination lately as my mind has been all over the place, so enjoy:

Beautiful Drug: Zac Brown Band

How Did You Love: Shinedown
“I”: Taproot
Until Next Time…….

“Beauty”

/ wettlaufer88 / Leave a comment
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I haven’t traveled much lately except for in town, however we finally made a big move to a new house which provided some challenges for all of us. During this transition, I have been thinking a lot about “Beauty” and what it stands for. What is beautiful to you? Where do you see beauty?

Beauty lies in so many places, in people, different locations, the simple things as it is all around us. I challenge you to stop what you are doing right now and take a look around you what do you see? My beauty in this moment is looking out the window on a cloudy, gloomy day and seeing the colors changing of the leaves as they move in the brisk wind. I think there is such a perception in our society today that beauty is supposed to be this spectacular thing like a fashion model or the Eiffel Tower to name a few but in reality it’s right before us we just need to look closer.
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Beauty: People
There is so much Beauty when it comes to people and not only in looks. Sure there are gorgeous human beings but does the personality match what the outside looks like? I know we all see that beautiful person at some point in our life and when they open their mouth it doesn’t match their outer beauty at all. I hear a voice in my head that maybe I’m not pretty enough or I’m not skinny enough but the voice comes from what society thinks we should look like. The smile is the one part of the body that radiates beauty as it can say so much to how a person is feeling or if you have that connection/spark also the laugh that may go with it even if it includes snorting which I tend to do as that is when a person is most happy in that single moment. I think the beauty in people is about personality as if you don’t have a beautiful inside the outside isn’t going to look so good. What does a beautiful person look like to you? I think it is someone with a huge heart, who makes others smile, who is unique, isn’t rude, has fun, to name a few traits. Sure I’m not saying we shouldn’t stay healthy by eating and exercising as that helps with the self confidence and makes us feel beautiful but it isn’t the basis. Who is the most beautiful person you know? My grandma Char, to me, is one of the most beautiful ladies around. She is classy, funny, likes to have a blast, has a heart of gold, knows how to speak her mind, loves her family more than anything, is always willing to help someone, shows courage, and is so lovable to name a few. These type of people are not only beautiful on the inside and outside but they also show it with their actions as sometimes actions speak louder than words. Have you helped someone lately?? Last year when I was officiating Special Olympics basketball I took Jocey with me. There was a group of guys from a NDSU fraternity that were there playing against Special Olympic teams and helped out taking clock and officiating. The most beautiful moment of the event was when they asked my little girl in to their huddle and asked her for advice on the game. They all put their hands in the middle and said “Go Team” and her face lit up as she felt so special in that moment. Those gentlemen did not need to have her be a part of it as they could’ve ignored her but their actions truly made an impact on her for the rest of her life.
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Beauty: Places
A place doesn’t need to be a huge landmark with a ton of history to make it a beautiful place as it could be as simple as a place in your own backyard. What is your beautiful place? I have a few places that I find so beautiful and when you are in the moment it’s priceless. I find a sunset, for instance, that no matter where you are just has this beauty that isn’t explainable but you just want to make time stop. Bonfires and lakes are also two places that are full of life but have their moments when it makes a calm come over me as I think it might have to do with moon and stars in the night sky. I think what makes most places beautiful is the company you have with you in those moments such as a loved one. Someone that can share the same experience and cherish it for everything it is worth. So find this place or moment where everything that is surrounding you is gorgeous!
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Beauty: Things
I find that everything can have a beautiful point to it if you stare long enough at it, it can speak to you like a flower or a butterfly. What things are beautiful to you? I find tattoos are beautiful as first they are pieces of art but second most of the time they are telling a story. Some tattoos sure are just because a person likes Winnie The Pooh or Darth Vader but even in that there may be a story as to why they love them?! Flowers are another beautiful thing and I’m not talking about the ones you buy in the store because those are already perfect but the wild flowers in fields that weren’t planted but bloomed anyways and to watch them sway in the wind is breathless. I also find Books so amazingly interesting as they tell us stories in a way where we can just get lost for awhile and in that moment we feel free. The beauty in books is in the characters that are so descriptive as if they come to life and become your friends. The last thing I wanted to mention was a piano as what a fabulous piece and something that creates music that makes us want to smile, dance, cry, and so much more. The piano itself has beauty but also those who play it and feel the music as most days I wish I would’ve stayed in lessons to be able to still play as I remember the feeling of touching the keys as if it was yesterday.
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Enjoy Beauty and become the Beauty that this world needs.
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Music these past few weeks have been all over the board as my life has been crazy busy so here are a few of those songs and if you notice some are from the movie “Empire Records” which brings back some fun memories.
A Long December: Counting Crows
Guardian Angel: Red Jumpsuit Apparatus
Til I Hear It From You: Gin Blossoms
Sugar High: Coyote Shivers
Until Next Time……………………..

My Oasis

/ wettlaufer88 / Leave a comment
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I traveled a lot the past 2 weeks from Bismarck to Bottineau to Grand Forks to Cooperstown and during all of that travel I have been thinking about a place I call my oasis…..The Farm. Do you have that place or that spot where you can go and just be? It has been a part of my life until this past week when my amazing grandma Char moved to town.

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Yes, things change as I know this and I need to accept it which I completely do but deep down I feel like I have lost a piece of me. This was the one place where I could go and all I felt was peace. It was my home away from home where I didn’t have to worry about people judging me. My worries and fears just melted as I was able to put that behind me for those moments. Of course, over the years I wasn’t able to stay out there as much as I used to when I was little but when I did I cried every time I had to leave as I knew the time was coming……The Tuchscherer farm has been around forever as it was my Great Grandparents before my grandparents took it over. The memories are endless but each one never fades.
Memory 1:
The peaceful moments of getting up in the morning and I could hear voices coming from downstairs and the radio playing country music. Having breakfast around the table and talking about all kinds of things from family to life. The simplicity of everything made each moment so special.
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I love just being in open spaces whether on a farm or on a beach but places where anything is possible and imagination can take over. I feel like these days children are expected to be entertained with toys or electronics. I loved going to my grandma’s because there was none of that. If we wanted to watch a football game it was all together because there was one TV, I know crazy right. I wish Jocelyn could have had more time seeing the farm the way I did with all the traditions.
Memory 2:
Christmas time was such a special time for me at the farm, not because of the gifts or food (those were bonuses) but because all of the family came and even some friends of the family too. It was always a packed house where we had tables in the living room and downstairs in order to fit everyone and we still went in shifts. The love that was in the house was just amazing to see. I remember one Christmas where my aunt and uncle were coming home from Colorado and there was a huge snow storm and we all waited up to make sure they were safe. It was so much fun when they finally arrived safe and sound.
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Traditions are hard to come by these days as everyone is so busy with life that they don’t take the time to start them or continue them. Do you have traditions? We had so many traditions when it came to the food, how to open presents at Christmas, who would cut the turkey, who did the dishes, who got the bread ready for stuffing at Thanksgiving time, the malts that were made, and much more….. Some of the traditions won’t be able to continue on as our family was huge but some I hope to keep within my own small, family.
Memory 3:
Spending time with the cousins was always interesting as my sister and I were the only girls so let’s just say we did a lot of fun stuff such as running around the yard, using the house foundation as a balance beam to play tag with, endless hours of paper plane making, looking for snakes and my favorite building forts in the basement. I have two male cousins who are my age and when we would get together, fort making was it. You could not get us to come up for supper as we built and tore it down over and over to make it perfect. We talked about random things and laughed a ton. Sure as we have gotten older we don’t stay in touch as much as I would like but I will never forget the bond that we had.
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The farm equals to me the simple life where all the little things make up the big thing. The breeze is cool on your face on a hot summer night. The smell of fresh cut grass after Grandma spent hours and hours making it look perfect. The sounds of laughter going through the house and music playing on the radio. There was always jokes and fun to be had. The smell of home cooked food and it was always so delicious. Why not make an oasis for yourself where you can go and just be you. A place where you feel safe and loved. The farm is going to be in good hands as Grandma has moved off the farm. She may no longer be at the farm and visiting it will be hard but the memories are cherished forever. There will never be a place like it for me but I hope I can create one for my little. It is not good-bye but see you later……………..
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Memory 4:
Night time at the farm was something I hold close to my heart. Out in the open spaces with it pitch black you can actually see stars that glisten like glitter. Those pictures are engrained in my mind as I love the peaceful feeling it brings over me. After usually being up too late and full from chocolate malts it was time to say “Good Night”. The hugs and kisses were given and the “I Love You’s” were said and at that very moment everything was okay in the world.
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Like my grandma always told me “Don’t Worry, Be Happy.” 🙂

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Music these past few weeks has been Familiar 48 whose is a band that had amazing talent that most have never heard of before. Their lyrics are amazing and have some deep meanings, enjoy!

Too Late: Wonderful Nothing
Endings: Wonderful Nothing
The Question: Wonderful Nothing

Bonus Track this week comes from the movie “Fault In Our Stars” which was crazy amazing and it reminded me to appreciate the small things in life.  If you haven’t seen the movie please do so!!:)

All of The Stars: Ed Sheeran
Until Next Time……….
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