Why am I here?  My brain has always led me to search for my purpose in life which can get very interesting at times.  When you grow up you are told you can do anything and to find something you love doing right?  We are also directed that going to college for four or more years to get a degree will help you find a job of your dreams.  In society we are told that getting this degree and making money will lead us in the right direction.  I have struggled with all of this since the day I walked off the graduation ceremony stage with my Master’s degree at North Dakota State University.  I have had two good, full-time jobs since college in the health and wellness fields and both I really didn’t need a Master’s degree for and believe me the salary doesn’t reflect in my crazy amount student loan debt.  Why am I still searching if this was what I was passionate about?

My Purpose is……………………….

“Hurry up before you go and get old
Hurry up before your blood runs cold
None of us were ever meant to stay
We’re all gonna find out one day”

I was passionate about making a difference and leaving a Legacy.  I worked with some amazing college students at my first big girl job who showed me what passion was about.  I also could start giving back to the community by volunteering at various places with my college student workers and bringing in blood drives to our facility.  My parents engrained in me when I was small that no matter what we had someone else had less and that giving back is just what we should do.  This didn’t just mean giving money as most of the time we didn’t have any but it meant lending a hand.   I wanted the college students who worked for me to not just get an amazing job but to give something back to their community once they graduated.  I continued to give back in different ways once I started working at big girl job number two which gave me more insight in to the effect a person can really make. Did I find my passion and purpose?

“You see life’s too short to run it like a race
So it’s never gonna matter if you win first place
Cause we’re all the same”

I truly believe I was put on this earth to help others which is sometimes hard as I tend to spread myself thin but I feel it is worth every moment.   How do we give back?   I wish I had a million dollars laying around so I could give money to my favorite charities but this isn’t my reality.  I do however, have a body that moves and two hands that can help whether it is handing out food to young children or organizing a 5k for charity.  There are days when I don’t have time to volunteer so a Random Act of Kindness is provided to someone I know or to a stranger.  If you have ever done a Random Act of Kindness then you know the radiant smile I have seen and the tears that have flowed from others.

This small gesture..a “Thank You” note changed my day!

“Hurry up before the bottle kicks in
Before the poison and the pain sets in
If you take it down a notch and you let me explain
That on this earth we are all the same
And all I can say is”

We can make a difference by the smallest of efforts and if everyone pitched in the impact it could leave in our communities is endless.  Why do we give back?  I have seen firsthand what an organization such as the United Way of Cass-Clay (Click Here) can do for young children, the elderly, the homeless and so much more.  I am in awe and lucky to work with this organization on different levels as even just typing about it gives me goose-bumps and tears.  I think with some of the recent events in my own life that you just never know if you could be the one who needs these types of services.  I do not give back to be recognized as giving back fills my soul with joy and that is all I need.  It has also, I feel, saved me in certain ways as giving back can have a great impact on your mental health.  I recently saw a presenter by the name of Dr. Corey Martin (Bounce Back Project-Click Here) who talked about gratitude (Please Watch) and the simple ways we could give could leave a lasting impact (Please Watch) as we know those around us could be struggling.

It starts with our own children!

“Stop waiting on your fifteen minutes of fame
Cause you’re not special
I’m not trying to rain on your parade
But you’re not special
I’m not trying to bring you down
I’m not trying to sound so ineffectual
Cause you’re not special”

I am not sure I will ever have all the answers or find my exact purpose in this crazy life I live but if I can help someone it definitely makes my day and their day better.  I challenge you to pay it forward today.  I challenge you to put yourself in someone else’s shoes who may be one non-payment away from losing their house.  I challenge you to find a new organization that needs your help.  I challenge to keep finding your purpose as we truly only have today. I will be updating the pages on the blog with my favorite organizations I volunteer for and donate to and more so stay tuned…
“We can all do something, it is that simple!”

Shinedown released a new album called “Attention, Attention” and I think you all can guess what I have been listening to since the beginning of May.  I recently attended my 9^th Shinedown concert and some of their new songs hit close to home. Take a listen below and you won’t be disappointed.

Special (Click Here)
The Lyrics are above throughout the blog!

Brilliant (Click Here)

Count it down from 10 to 1
Faster than a hurricane
Callin’ out to everyone, are you mad or insane
Quicker when you’re curious
And better once you realize
Finding someone you can trust, gets results, check your pulse

Let me clear my throat, let me catch my breath
Let my heart bleed out til there’s nothing left
It’s my day to be brilliant
It’s my day to be brilliant

Until next time…….

The road I have been traveling on for the past year has a few potholes that keep changing shape but do not go away. I feel like this stranger living in someone’s else’s body and I don’t recognize it. I kept telling myself that I needed to give myself more time
to feel human again but here we are. I had a friend ask me “You really don’t like talking about yourself huh?” and that was hard to process as most days I am not sure about anything and then there is those who have it worse than I do so I feel I don’t have
that right to talk about my own pain. I wanted to write this post, not for sympathy, but for those that may have gone through thyroid cancer or something else major and for them to not feel alone in the fight.

I was driving last week one day after work when a wave anxiety swept over me for no reason at all, I could barely breathe. I used to have anxiety but mostly it was due to certain situations such as, talking in front of a large crowd or in certain social settings but my new normal has these occurrences for no reason at all. It is the craziest situation when everything in one moment is fine and the next I feel like the wind is being knocked out of my body. I can’t predict when these moments will happen and what I really want to do is just run away when they do. It is just a part of me now and I have been on this roller coaster of emotions. I know there is drugs for this as that is what I hear a lot but it isn’t for me and never will be. I have been down the road of drugs in my system and having to deal without a thyroid and taking thyroid medication daily is enough and all I can handle right now. I hope for that someday when there is more natural remedies for anxiety.  I found other ways to try and calm myself with the “5-4- 3-2- 1” technique (Click Here) to ease my mind along with meditation (Sattva App – Click Here). The one thing that seems to get me through though is listening to loud music and singing along, however, I really can’t do that in most cases.

Did I take my pill to survive today? This is my first thought of the day and most of the time I don’t remember if I did or not? It is so crazy that this one little pill is my survival tool for the rest of my life. My brain doesn’t function the same as it used to as it
tends to be in a fog most days and I can’t remember to do the little things which I used to be proud of. I think it just slapped me across my face as I forgot to call my beautiful grandma on her birthday. This is not me. This is not how I operate and it is beyond frustrating. Organizing and planning events is one of the one things I was somewhat good at and enjoyed but it is becoming harder as even keeping lists can’t seem to keep me on track. It is about rewiring my brain to think differently and I know I will get there. This spell I feel like I am under has also zapped my motivation for almost everything and my family can see a difference when it comes to daily situations. I used to get up in the mornings to work out and that doesn’t happen. I used to get home at night and do fifty different things like play with my little girl and that usually doesn’t happen. If I must get up and get ready for the day it feels like a chore. One thing just leads to another. I have this reoccurring dream that I am on this Ferris Wheel that can’t stop and the only thing to do is jump. I have found a friend and its name is COFFEE which really doesn’t help the anxiety but it does keep me awake at work. It is about finding what works for you and we are all going to be different.  The one thing I can’t seem to figure out is the mood swings as I go from crying one minute to being literally pissed off the next.  Of course, those that live in the same house get to reap those benefits which makes me feel like an amazing mom and wife. I wish I could pinpoint the triggers but for now bullet proof vests need to be worn in case I explode.

The dosage on thyroid medication is everything and can be a ticking time bomb if it isn’t perfect. I am a very active individual and exercise is my escape when I have my dark days. The lack of motivation doesn’t help this situation but then let’s add on some pounds to make me feel even better about not having a thyroid (insert sarcasm here). I work in the wellness field and love helping people live the best versions of themselves but if I am not able to do that myself is it even fair to them? Maybe I need to work out more or eat healthier as soon I will be a rabbit eating only lettuce. I have also been experiencing pain in my neck and well I guess this happens with the type of surgery I had which my doctor had left that part out but my friend Google has been trying to help me: (https://www.verywell.com/thyroid-surgery- may-bring- on-unexpected- neck-pain- 3975103) .  Again a minor bump in the road but everything starts to add up. I listen to my coworkers talk about running a Fargo Marathon relay and playing sand volleyball, which is so awesome they like to be active but I sit there and think that used to be me. I am on the struggle bus when it comes to this topic and I can only keep putting one foot in front of the other.

Most days I want to scream, “THIS ISN’T ME!” This whole experience has torn my old existence to pieces and it is about trying to figure out who the new me is and wants to be. I want you to know if you have had a similar experience that you are not alone in the fight to keep going. Life is about changes and it is what we do with it that makes us stronger but some days it is okay to fall apart too. We are all human and no one is perfect so hopefully we can look around us and accept everyone.  Hopefully the road gets smoother and some of the potholes go away but until then I will keep going.

“If you’re going through hell, keep going.” ~Winston Churchill

Resources:
https://www.facebook.com/thyroidcancersurvivors/

I have been listening to some new Shinedown songs lately with their new album “Attention Attention” being released on May 4th, I hope you enjoy:

Devil (Click Here)
The silence, the silence
The blinding ultra violence
Knockin at your door
Pacin back and forth
What now?
The whispers and the screams
The stereotypical profiling ritual
Vicious and obscene

The Human Radio (Click Here)
We march, we fight, we live
We scream, we die, we give
We want the world to know
We are the human radio

Like Bon Jovi once said “Keep The Faith”

Until Next Time……..

I have been thinking a lot about death lately as it is a fact that it is inevitable and we are never sure when it will be our time. Maybe because I am getting older which means my parents and grandparents are getting older or that cancer sneaked up on me? There are some individuals who look at death as a scary situation as we may not know what will happen after we are no longer in existence. There are others who embrace it knowing that their time on earth is slowly coming to an end. I hear about stories where a mom with cancer who had months to live wrote her daughter letters for those big moments which would come without her presence. What about the stories of those who know it won’t be much longer so they decide to jump out of a plane or go on one last European vacation. I feel for those individuals who are suffering in long term care as they sit there not knowing when their time will come as they hold on to hope that they will get better. The young boy with brain cancer who has his whole life ahead of him and proves to us all that having a good attitude can get you places. Those instances where our loved ones are yanked out of lives with not being able to say good-by or have one last hug.  This all seems to wear on me emotionally when I see these stories or it hits close to home as I can feel the pain it causes the loved ones. The point is we just never know as most of these circumstances are out of our control, however maybe there is still something we can do while we are present.

“He was always there for them no matter what. His laugh, presence and love will be greatly missed.”

---

“She as a beloved wife, mother, grandmother, great grandmother, sister, and aunt who showed great concern and love to everyone she met.”

I always talked about leaving a legacy when I used to have college student employees as I knew all of them had potential for something bigger than themselves. We have a choice to be kind human beings and to me it is that simple. There are some of us who have children and are trying to raise them to be compassionate with a world full of hatred. We don’t have to be entrepreneur of the year or a top business person to make an impact as even simple gestures can sometimes leave a bigger stamp on our hearts. I try to keep this in mind when society shows us the bigger the better. Reading the obituaries in our local newspaper has caught my attention as I see these faces that have passed away and I have this urge to know who they were. All I can say is I have seen hilarious, sad, and to the point stories of these individuals I have never met. It has given me the urge to write my own, not that I wouldn’t trust whomever to write my obituary but why not take that off the shoulders of my loved ones.

     JoVal Jean (Schneibel) Wettlaufer was born on October 21, 1982 in Minot, ND. She grew up and attended school in Bottineau, ND and graduated from Bottineau High School in 2001. JoVal went on to college and later a full-time career but what mattered to her most was the idea of giving back to her community. She found a passion for volunteering/fundraising whether it be through her job, for a friend, or for her daughter’s extracurricular events. She led a simple life with the two LOVES of her life. JoVal met the man of her dreams when she was just five years old playing in a sandbox and the rest was history. Their beautiful daughter, Jocelyn Ann, was born on July 13, 2009 and she was JoVal’s everything. She enjoyed listening to music whether that be going to concerts or playing the occasional RockBand in her basement. She wanted to make a difference and leave the world behind her a better place. In lieu of flowers please donate to the charity of your choice.

“Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It’s not.” ~The Lorax

This has been shared with my loved ones as even though I won’t be here to see it in the local newspaper at least I know it has been taken care of along with the rest of my celebration of life details. I believe this is something we should talk about even though it is a tough subject.  I will leave you with this story as this little boy lost his life too soon and as soon as I saw his picture I needed to read more about him.  He is an inspiration at such a young age and I would love to help continue his legacy with Jesse’s Toy Box. Please read the following:

https://www.wday.com/news/4406596-wyndmere-boy-who-inspired-jessys-toybox-dies

http://www.inforum.com/obituaries/4407193-james- jessy-haberman

If you would like to donate toys to this organization please contact me and Thank You!

Here are some songs that will hopefully be played at my life celebration:
Stars: Skillet (Click Here)
If You can hold the stars in place
You can hold my heart the same
Whenever I fall away
Whenever I start to break
So here I am, lifting up my heart
To the one who holds the stars

Lean on Me: Bill Withers (Click Here)
Sometimes in our lives we all have pain
We all have sorrow
But if we are wise
We know that there’s always tomorrow
Lean on me, when you’re not strong
And I’ll be your friend
I’ll help you carry on
For it won’t be long
Til I’m gonna need
Somebody to lean on

This is one to make us all think a little more!
If Today Was Your Last Day: Nickelback (Click Here)
If today was your last day
And tomorrow was too late
Could you say goodbye to yesterday?
Would you live each moment like your last?
Leave old pictures in the past
Donate every dime you have?
If today was your last day

Until Next Time……..

What does a new year bring? Maybe it’s to exercise more or to be a better human being.  Is it a goal or a resolution?  It is a different perspective for all of us as my New Year didn’t begin until February 17^th at 4:27 p.m.

February 17^th: 6:23 a.m.
I am not sure I can go to work.  I feel like my intestines are being ripped apart.  I hope I can make it to my check up today. Why does my body hate me and why does it have to be today?  I need to get Jocey to school and then I will figure it out.

We conducted our New Year’s party the same way we do every year with a themed party.  This year I decided we would all be Power Rangers as I think we have all fought some battles this past year.  I love just staying home for New Years with my family as those are the people who comfort me always.  I have never really enjoyed large, loud crowds as you can’t enjoy a conversation without losing your voice.  Also, having Jocelyn has changed my perspective on everything so being at home with her is priceless.  We had some yummy food and drinks and let Jocey stay up until Midnight for her first time.  I have always found it interesting that everyone waits for the clock to strike midnight as I’m not sure what the excitement is all about?  When I was young I wished that it would be like the fairytale Cinderella where the clock strikes midnight and magic would happen with a beautiful, sparkly, carriage to whisk me away from my reality. Before the new year approached I was asked the question “I bet you are ready for a new year?” and my response was to smile and nod my head yes.  I needed some time to sit and ponder this question as was I ready for 2017 to be over?

7:30 a.m.
I am not going in to work today in case I am actually sick as I don’t want to get anyone else sick too.  Should I call in to the doctor and tell them I am not coming?  I don’t know if I can go another day not knowing if I have Cancer back?  Maybe it is a sign that I am not supposed to know or that it is back?  I am not sure I can handle it if there is bad news.

2017 was a year of me just trying to stay above water with waves crashing all around me.  There were days where the darkness consumed my thoughts and I just wasn’t sure how I was supposed to keep moving.  However, there were so many positives in 2017 too such as my daughter turning eight, our family vacation to the Valley Fair, our travels to Bottineau, my daughters track, basketball and now swimming events, bonfires with the neighbors, epic open mic nights of Rock Band in our basement, catching up with great friends at coffee shops, amazing concerts, and numerous family movie nights and that is just to name a few.  Did I really want 2017 to be over?  The answer is no, I wanted the horrible doctor appointments, the poking and prodding, numerous surgeries, the sleepless nights, awful medications, being away from my family, and the word CANCER to go away.  What does 2018 have in store for me?

2:30 p.m.
I am going to this appointment no matter what, I just can’t take it.  I think my body is just nervous and the anxiety has taken over.  I need to know what the next step is and from there I can figure out how to keep breathing.  What if they tell me it has come back?  What if everything is okay for now?  What should I make for supper as Jocey has swimming tonight.

I am not sure I get excited for a new year anymore as it means that life is passing by and all the beautiful memories are now just in the past.  This is what we call life and we do our best to keep moving and to keep the light switch on.  I love watching my daughter grow up as children I believe are there to make us stop and enjoy the little moments. She has this light inside of her that I hope the world will never burn out.  I would like 2018 to not bring so much pain for those around me and to bring peace no matter what that looks like.  Maybe I will get to jump out of a plane or travel more?  Maybe I will get another tattoo?  Maybe I will get to see some family and friends that I haven’t in a long time?  Maybe I will just be?   This is My New Year….

4:27 p.m.
Thank you….6 more months….I can handle no Cancer for 6 more months! I think I’ll grab a coffee, great way to help my anxiety.:)

I hope your 2018 is filled with love and remember to just enjoy each moment.

I have been really listening to some 80’s and 90’s music on our local radio station lately as it keeps my spirits up in this crazy world of hurt and sadness. The music I chose to put on my blog is more of what I am feeling without being able to say the right words.  I hope you find something you like, enjoy:

American Noise – Skillet (Click Here)

Slamming doors and cell phone rings
Hurricane force of silent screams
Don’t know what to believe
Bend the rule just to break it
You’re so tired ’cause you’re gotta fake it
But you just wanna be someone

Tired – Stone Sour (Click Here)

I’m not close, I’m not safe
I don’t know, don’t know, am I better off in chains?
The one is not aware
So stay away from me, I’m just too young to care

Looking for Angels – Skillet (Click Here)

Walk this world alone try to stay on my feet

Sometimes crawl, fall, but I stand up cause I’m afraid to sleep
And open my eyes to a new day, with all new problems 4. and all new pain
All the faces are filled with so much anger
Losing our dignity and hope from fear of danger
After all the wars, after settling the scores, at the break of dawn we will be deaf to the answers

Until Next Time…….

11/7/2017

“Here I am again in a waiting room waiting for a doctor to treat cancer cells on my lip.  I thank technology to help keep my mind occupied as the anxiety sets in.  When are they going to call my name? What kind of music are they playing? Maybe I should leave? How do they really know if this is going to take care of the crazy cells that seem to be swimming all over inside of me?”

“JoVal……………” said the nurse.

“I am so sick of being here in a room with these ugly white or yellowish walls.  I am tired of having tears due to everything I have going on.  This music is like listening to someone take their fingernails and scratch a chalkboard.  It is so depressing sitting in these surroundings over and over again.  How am I supposed to feel after being here?”

“Why does she have that torch as it is quite large?  I just want to go home.  Thanks for the puff of cold air but it isn’t reassuring that it is all taken care of.”

“We are done torturing you now, just let us know if it gets infected.” Said the doctor.

My journey continues this week as the human cutting board and there has been a topic that has been bothering me over the last year.  I am sure most of you have heard of the system called GoFundMe which is a fast way to raise money for a variety of different reasons.  If you type “GoFundMe” in the search engine it says “Make a Difference Today” which definitely for a person like myself who sees a person I know in need they will be receiving money from me as I know the financial struggle all to well.

When you first get diagnosed with something like Cancer or another awful disease there is so many things your mind starts to think about like the financial burden you are imposing on your family.  Of course, you are shoved from here to there medically because you want to live so you do what you are told with the financial piece coming last until you start to see the bills come in the mail.  When you start to see the bills pile up it becomes overwhelming so your next thought is to call the provider to see what can be done because no one just has thousands of dollars lying around.  I have never experienced such harassment in my life when it came to figuring out how much I could afford on a monthly basis.   This phone call was minutes before I needed to go and present in front of a group.  Once you get diagnosed you are told to fight but these type of roadblocks make you want to give up quite fast.

I had some close friends and family reach out asking if we needed help financially.  My immediate response was “No, we will make it work.”  Asking for help has always been an issue for myself as I see the world for what it is and how many less fortunate individuals there are who don’t have homes, jobs, or health insurance.  I thought to myself many times “How could I even ask for help?”  Maybe because I saw my parents struggle who always seemed to make it work or because I have worked three jobs since college to make ends meet.  Are things easy financially, of course not.  Have there been times where the financial burdens wrap their hands around my neck to the point when I can’t breathe, yes.   I have been in many conversations about other individuals who have needed to use a resource such as GoFundMe and it isn’t always positive which makes it even harder to say “HELP!”

I have heard some negativity around fundraising accounts where individuals in need receive funds for medical or other bills but then go on trips or buy a house.  I think it is an interesting situation and I have no judgement when it comes to what they do with the money that is raised.  Maybe an individual who has lost a love one paid all the bills and started college funds for the children but was able to use some of that money to go on a trip where as a couple they talked about going there one last time no matter what the situation?  What if a person is diagnosed with cancer and uses money from fundraising to pay off all medical bills and then since they survived they decide to take a vacation because of being alive?  There are fundraising accounts that are out there to provide funding to travel for sports or for other recreational uses which I am not sure I can judge either as they are trying to fulfill a dream.  It is unfortunate that some people abuse the system but that my friends is life and it was it is.   The point of the accounts are that you can choose where you want  your money to go and to give your money without any stipulations.  I am not sure why there is so much judgement and I was reminded that it is just the ego.  What if we just let those who need the money, receive the money without judgement on what they do with it?

I have realized it is okay to ask for help when it is needed and this can be through funds or even just chatting with a good friend.  We all have a choice to help others and to support each other even when it gets hard.  No matter if I have $1 left in my pocket I will choose to give it to someone less fortunate.

My advice to you is maybe we all can do a little more to help each other out and serve our communities around us.

Never too far from her mom!

I have heard some amazing music recently that I would like to share with you as some days music is what gets me through the darkness of this world:

The Thunder Rolls – All That Remains (Click Here)
Three thirty in the morning
Not a soul insight
The city’s lookin’ like a ghost town
On a moonless summer night
Raindrops on the windshield
There’s a storm moving in

Closer to Love – Matt Kearney (Click Here)
She got the call today
One out of the gray
And when the smoke cleared
It took her breath away
She said she didn’t believe
It could happen to me
I guess we’re all one phone call
From our knees
We’re gonna get there soon

Moonlight – Grace VanderWaal (Click Here)
She always has a smile
From morning to the night
The perfect poster child
That was once in my life

Now she lost her way
And she forgets to smile
Never gets a break
From this life in denial

Until Next Time…..

I have thought about writing this blog for the last month and nothing seemed quite right and my thoughts were all over the place. This past year has really started getting to me as I am not sure I have had time to process everything which I know takes time.  New scars have been placed with some being visible and others hiding under the surface.

Last month I received the news that I was cancer free for another six months.  What do people do after hearing the big “No Cancer” news?  I thought maybe I should have a party for everyone who has supported me or start messaging everyone I knew letting them know?  I didn’t walk out of the hospital with relief, I walked out of there with uncertainty and sadness.  Why did I get good news when the next person sitting by me might receive the news of having cancer?  Why do I deserve to live another six months when someone else must die from this horrible disease?  I look in the mirror every day and see the scar on my neck which is starting to fade and I know I should feel grateful that I am here and help others.  I am supposed to feel strong and empowered to live my life to the fullest.  My perspective has changed in a lot of ways since this all began but I sit here and wonder what’s next?  The only thing I know is that I am not who I once was.

My view from usually where I am!

The next week after the news, I was in the hospital waking up from knee surgery.  I kept telling myself, “It is just knee surgery.  If you can get through cancer, you can get through this.  It could be worse as you could be others who aren’t able to walk at all.”  I went in thinking positive and came out a different person.  The scar on my knee is ugly but the mental scars are unbearable.  I don’t even know how to explain it but I feel like an icky person who never wants to get out of bed.  Not being able to work out, besides, Physical Therapy, in over a month has sent me over the edge as this has given me shelter with the pains in my mind.  Sleepless nights with tearful mornings have my family wondering who this unrecognizable person is?  I feel like this and then I turn on the TV and see the devastation from Hurricane Harvey and wonder how I could be such an awful, selfish person.

I know storms come and go and some stay longer than others as this isn’t my first time experiencing this on a certain level.  I would love to tell you that this storm is dying down or that the winds are subsiding but at this point I can’t.  If you are wondering where I have been or why I haven’t replied with messages, please know I will get there at some point and hopefully you are still around and if you are not I understand.  I have the most amazing family and close friends who are there for me even when I don’t deserve it and for that I THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart.  It is okay to not be okay sometimes and for right now my scars aren’t healed.  I will be adding some more scars soon to my unrecognizable body but those too will eventually fade.

Always ask the person whether it be a stranger, friend, or family member, “How are you?” This question is powerful.

I haven’t really listened to too much music lately, however I tried to go to a few concerts as I am trying to breathe.

Song On Fire-Nickelback (Click Here)
The next line I write down
And there’s a tear that falls between the pages
I know that pain’s supposed to heal in stages
But it depends which one I’m standing on

After The Rain-Nickelback (Click Here)
Spend your days happy and grateful
Avoid the taste of wanting and wasteful
Every good thing will come in moderation
Envy and greed will only lead to frustration

Silent Majority-Nickelback (Click Here)
A candle’s the smallest light
But a handful becomes a lighthouse
Cutting the night for us, for us, for us, for us
The one with the loudest voice is really the one to follow
Silence the noise
So what, so what, so what?

(She tries to make me smile 🙂 I hope she makes you smile too!)

Until Next Time………

*Team Hoot Mental Health: Shawn Francis (Click Here)

April, 14, 2017

“I am not sure how you are still walking.” Said my orthopedic doctor. My fears are coming true. What does this mean? 

“You are going to need a total knee replacement.”  WHAT, NO! I am too young and I want to be able to keep running long distances.  I want to run someday with Jocelyn as she gets older.  I don’t even know what to think anymore.

I want this all to go away and I want to be young again. Why do I have to go through this?  What is the point of all this?  Will I be able to run again?  30 years and I might have to do this again?

My parting thought to you is to never, ever take your health for granted as in one moment it can all be taken away so why not start running or run that race you have always thought about?  Do it for those who can’t but more importantly for yourself as you deserve the very best in this life.

A Cancer Thank You

for being my side when all hope seemed lost

        for holding my hand when my body couldn’t stop trembling

              for letting me cry on your shoulder when I told you I had cancer

        for cherishing every moment we had together during the struggle

 for allowing me to have my space to sort out my feelings

        for not expecting much out of me when all I wanted to do was sleep

                 for trying to make me smile through the pain

  for the beautiful, kind words of encouragement

         for making me try and see the light when I was buried

for helping me want to keep going…