Traveled to Grand Forks this week and thought about everything that has been going on with me in the last few months and it has definitely been a ride. I have learned some new things about myself which I believe I knew all along but having an outside person tell you it puts a whole new perspective in to play.
Sitting in therapy Session 2:
“What did you call that? Codependency? It makes so much more sense when she says and explains it. Great now what am I going to have to do? Just what I thought learn more about it, so I guess I better find a good book or articles on it. I wonder how much work this is going to take? Why did this happen to me?”
Being in therapy has brought a lot to my attention especially the word Codependency. This is something I have struggled with my whole life and new something was different but of course didn’t know a term was associated with it. I have done things the same way for years and got into a habit of letting others walk all over me. It is embedded in me. Having equal friendships/relationships with people is huge, I know this but learning how to set barriers I struggle with. I always want to help others and make sure everything is okay with everyone else around me instead of knowing what is good for me. It is just so much easier making someone else’s day and being there for them so I never saw the full effect of it. If I set those barriers or limits, of course there is going to be guilt that goes along with it. There are ways to handle all of this but the effort that needs to go in is so draining. Yes, of course I know it’s worth it, just tough! Here is a great article that to me says it all when it comes to what I have going on: *Click Here*
Sitting in therapy Session 3:
“This is so not easy and I’m still so nervous and don’t know what I should hold back or say for the fear of saying something wrong or bursting into tears. Why do I keep coming back? Should I get out of the car? Is this going to help me anyway? Maybe I fine and can be done with these? Just breathe. She knows what she is talking about and wants to help and you are here to feel better and be better for everyone around you.”
We all do things we don’t realize sometimes and even though it may not be intentional it can still be very hurtful to those around you. I think recognizing I was loosing my grip on things was the first step in being better but this isn’t easy at all. It takes a lot of work to dig deep and look at what is causing the pain and how to handle it. I know I have to put the work in, in order to be better and it is going to take some time to be the person I want to be. Of course there is going to be slip ups as that is just life but being able to manage those slip ups is key. Some days I feel like the world is crashing and I may not show it but it is such a crazy feeling. Other days are fine and everything seems normal. Everything is a work in progress and that is what I have to hold on to.
Music has been interesting for the past few weeks as I have been listening to some old and new songs, but for the drive today we are going with Seether as I have seen them a few times in concerts and they put on an awesome show. Take a listen below:
Fine Again (Favorite and have listened to this one a lot): Fragile
https://www.youtube.com/embed/ET3-t1jFmo0“>
Broken: Disclaimer
https://www.youtube.com/embed/hPC2Fp7IT7o“>
Fake It: Finding Beauty in Negative Spaces
Remedy: Karma and Effect
Bonus Track: I was told by an awesome friend about a song called “Fair” by Remy Zero which is from the movie “Garden State”. I just love it, enjoy!!!:)
https://www.youtube.com/embed/JbGTzJcyjGI“>
Remember to be your Authentic Self & Until Next Time…….
Traveling With Jo 